On Fire For The Lord

My friends’, friends’, friend was driving along when she got to a corner that homeless frequent to pan handle (is that the right term?)  She was just about to avert her eyes and pretend that she needed to change the radio station when she noticed that it was her neighbor—and she ever so sweetly rolled (ok pushed the button) down her window and yelled “Hey!  You’re not homeless!  You live next door to me!”

Went to the Zoo on Monday with the Rachanator after which, when our injuries started to be bothersome, we both tried not to whine and decided to heal ourselves with some adult beverages.  This outdoor refreshment took me on quite the roller coaster ride of emotions as I learned about two sincerely significant milestones in Rachel’s life.  First, that trading in her car after her lease was up was the absolute worst decision of her life.  And second, just that day, she found a tub of chap stick from High school that she finally finished which was the single greatest accomplishment in her entire life.  I’m still overwhelmed with emotion.   

What does it say about a person when the massage therapist says to you “Okay, That is the exact opposite of relax”?  Seriously.  What does that say about me?

In the middle of the night, I heard the balcony door (of a room that is never entered) fly open.  I was completely terrified, but knowing that I was the only adult in the house with the sole responsibility of keeping Lucas alive (though I hear if I accidently kill the mouse that’s completely okay) I braved the darkend room hoping that as I crossed the floor to close the door a mad man (or woman) would NOT jump out and slit my throat.  I think you can all guess how this story ends. 

Lucas decided to do some spring cleaning today.  In fact before 9 am I could actually see his floor.   This forced me to do some spring cleaning and not only did I find some seriously awesome clothes I forgot I owned… I also made a momentous decision.  I cleared out a drawer in my bathroom for my under-things.  Honestly, I don’t know why more people haven’t done this.  You get out of the shower, dry off, put the first layer on and then decide what you’re going to wear that day.  First the pumpable shower products and now this? Ladies and gentlemen I am on FIRE. 

Not literally on fire—thought I did have to leave the house for an hour for an appointment and again, responsible me told Luke that if something catches on fire, we don’t have a fire extinguisher, but I hear on the internets that baking soda works.  So I put a box next to him and said if that doesn’t work run outside and call 911.  We’ve been doing some serious guitar building and voo-doo/magic/spiritual cleansing research.  We also went to radio shack so many times we had to go to a different one the last two times so we didn’t look “weird.”  I’m not sure if anyone in the history of the world has put their weekends to better use than we did this weekend. 

We were buying candles and I found a bunch of “Christmas scented” candles and Luke was like “Christmas scented?  Why isn’t there a Chanukah scented candle—we’re the ones that actually use candles.” Good question, buddy.    

Happy Early April Fools & Happy Birthday to Erika Jane!

Other than that, I booked a trip to Austria with Evivova for August, I helped hand make invitations for a 50^th anniversary party, and dodged some “winks” from 50+ year old men looking for ladies 21-35 (did you just get a shiver too?) 

OH! And my birthday is April 7^th. 

Kthnxbye

Met Your Match

Whilst the fam was attending yet another Sky High party that I could not participate in this weekend, I responsibly did my taxes before April 15^th.  I always think filing in two states is going to be so hideous, but then I remember that nothing is difficult with the GPS like TurboTax that makes everything simple and pain free! 

I called Doreen on Saturday and her first reaction was “Is this your annual call to remind me that your birthday is coming up?”  Shockingly, it was not the reason for my call, but it did trigger this reminder to you that my birthday is on April 7^th.  As you know I won’t be specifying a year to attach to the birthday, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t want to party like I’m turning 21. 

 

Also, on my wish list are a couple of these:

I got invited to Shana’s House of Whores to drink wine and make Match.com profiles.  Nothing says sexy like a bunch of ladies getting boozy in front of their laptops.  When the pizza guy arrived we just pretended that we were really into our MMO.  Eva called me in shock.  She said she has been trying to get me to drink wine and join Match for the last 6 years… and honestly I think me drinking wine was more shocking that anything else.  See I still have the ability to change. 

St. Patrick’s Day was a total success IMHO.  I like when people grudgingly go out with low expectations so that whatever we do seems like the bees knees.  The first stop was to meet up with Diana and Jason at Murphy’s—which was ironic b/c it was there that I spent my very first St. Patrick’s Day in Seattle on a first date with someone from work (yea I do that sometimes).  We looked like this:

I found that sweatshirt in the laundry room.  I am positive it belongs to one of the boys’ friend who misses it dearly, but finders’ keepers.  We then made it over to Boxley’s of Belltown where we scored a private room in the back.  Boo and Ya.

My post-accident headaches are getting better.  Whether it’s the Massage Therapy, heavy drugs or time that’s healing me, I don’t know.  But I like that we’re moving in the right direction.  So did you know that you aren’t supposed to sign your title?  Where in the handbook does it tell you not to do this?   The insurance lady was not very nice when she told me that EVERYBODY knows that you’re not supposed to sign on the line that says “Registered Owners Signature.”  I ended up sending the wrong document and had to go into the DOL for more paperwork and ended up with the same lady who had originally given me my title 5 years ago.  I should have gotten her # and then maybe I wouldn’t have to wait in line next time.  You might want an in at the hottest club… I’m just looking to cut the line at government agencies. 

And b/c I’m politically neutral on the subject:

(why does that guy remind me of someone I know?)

I woke up this weekend and it was so lovely out that I had a strong desire to play some basketball.  D&J had a strong desire to do some online shopping, so I ran around looking for a basketball, pump and then that teeny needle.  I nearly gave up until Jordan mentioned that he had seen one on a window ledge 2 years ago…and wouldn’t you know it, it was still there!  I had to magyver the industrial air compressor b/c the old school hand pump was a no go—but it was worth it for the 20 minutes of nearly professional style B-ball we performed.  That’s my version of March Madness.

 

I found the Alice in Wonderland made for TV in 1985 version as a DVD in a store yesterday.  How awesome is that!?  I ended up buying Alice’s Restaurant instead (which was not very good) but Luke told me that he believes no movie watching is ever a waste of time b/c at the very least you have more pop culture knowledge.  I could not agree more, though I wish I had used that same time to watch Alice in Wonderland 1985 again.  Who doesn’t love Carol Channing?  Remember that time I stood on the steps of the Spark building proclaiming loudly (and with signs) the awesomeness of Carol Channing?  Good times.

Speaking of wee kids here’s my “Kid Quotes” of the week:

Mo:  Mrs. Magley knows everything.

Kevin: Oh yea? Does she know that US troops took over Alaska?

Mo: Yes, she knows that Alaska is a part of the US but that isn’t what I meant when I said that Mrs. Magley knows everything.  I meant she knows everything that is going on in Yorktown.

Mo after pulling out a root in the yard: Man, who’s stronger than your mom?

All three boys: Dad. 

Kevin: Maybe.  Maybe not.  I think they should fight.  Then we’ll know who’s stronger.

Patrick: Yea, definitely fight.  And then you can kick him in the balls b/c it really hurts when you get kicked in the balls and then maybe you can win. 

(Maureen assured me they did not fight.  They are waiting for Easter so I can be around.)

Alright folks, I’m just about to finish off this pot of coffee.  It’s a gorgeous day and I have so many ideas on how to waste it.  

Raven Soto

If only I had something to be late to.  This here card is to motivate me to write, picture-ize, and send this Monday email before Thursday.  I have increased the challenge by only giving myself 4 days of material to work with—but Jordan went to Seattle Comic Con and brought me home tons of Muppet comics and a Ben Walker signed Muppets drawing so I’m feeling spunky. 

(I still <3 you cookie monster, but this cards brings two random stories together in a humorous way.)

Patrick: Mom—I thought you gave up sweets with me?

Mo: I Did.

Patrick: Then why were you eating jelly beans?

Mo: Well, that was Sunday honey.

Patrick: Um no.  I definitely saw you eating jelly beans on Wednesday.

Mo: Right. The devil made me do it.

If we are tallying presents, I’m about 1.5 in 6 for the month of March.  Janette and Briana’s cards were bought but never sent, Aunt Pat’s I actually put postage on but now I don’t know where it is.  Jordan thought my handmade, Tiffany designed business cards with awesome holder was his favorite present (this was the success story.)  Nate—I thought getting him the complete works of Lewis Carroll given that we were going to see the movie was perfect, but the ride home from the movie led me to believe he had already read and owned the complete works.  Bust.  I carefully soaked, peeled and redistributed labels so that root beer looked like beer for Zach who was turning 21 but doesn’t like to drink so it could look like he was getting wasted without getting hassled—but he immediately peeled off the label b/c he didn’t get what was going on, defeating the effort.  Bust.  Then I got him a book which I thought was perfect, but he left it here—though Jordan loves it so I get back a .25.  Oddly enough Zach did take back to school the remote control skunk I got him scoring me another .25.  I am totally retiring for the next week so I can go full force for Bails and The April babies. 

Luke has been getting random tapes at goodwill, mostly found inside old tape players.  It’s his new hobby.  He brought home like 7 yesterday for 30 cents.  He made a whole bunch of amazing mix tapes last summer.  Today he told me:

Luke: I’m going to make a lot of mix tapes this summer too. Unless of course I have friends. 

(That was random… and so is this…)

Jordan: I heard Ponyo was good.

Zach: I heard mixed reviews.

Jordan: Well I did hear it from a security guy at the airport—but if you can’t trust the TSA who can you trust.

T O’B Mental note: Always ask Jordan who his sources are.

Frita told me he wanted to delete Raven Soto from his facebook page.  He first asked me on Facebook, so I had to tell him not only directions but also that whomever he was about to delete already got a warning.  I called him to walk him through the process, but first I thought we would do some detective work to find out who this punk was.  He looked to be around 9 holding a military gun with actual military behind him.  He shared friends with my uncle and 3 cousins.  When I asked Frita to look at his info Raven Soto’s quote was “I am awesome and anyone who doesn’t think so will die.”  I quickly got Frita to de-friend but then he got the “are you sure you want to do this” message and Frita asked me “Am I sure? Will he kill me?”  I hope we made the right decision.

(I really think it’s going to be fine Frita…but seriously, how perfect is this card?)

I found out that my cousin secretly got married.  I found out b/c Kathi saw that my cousin’s new husband’s facebook page was recently changed to married.  Kathi then skyped me to confirm that it was true and not just another one of those accidental relationship updates.   First, Congratulations!  And Second, I really am telling everyone that had there been a big hoopla that I would have been the maid of honor. And yes, the bachelorette party would have been WONDERBAR.  And thirdly, tell me this is what your veil looked like:

My Uncle told me that democracy will soon be dead.  I told him to call me when it happens b/c I don’t watch the news.  He also told me I should get a job at a gas station so I could tell my kids how I struggled through this hard time.  I asked him if I should then leave out the part where I just got back from Vegas. 

My head is still pounding from the accident.  I went to get x-rays and a catscan but they didn’t give me the results before I left the hospital.  B/c I’m a nutter and was completely freaking out about internal bleeding, I spent Saturday cleaning my room.  I threw out 3 trash bags of things that weren’t necessary.  Partially b/c I clean when I am upset, and partially b/c I was afraid I was going to die in the middle of the night and wanted to save someone the trouble of getting rid of the stuff.  Feel free to consult the dictionary term for “nutter” here: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nutter  I felt bad for anyone who called me to see how I was b/c I have my cranky pants on... and I can't seem to find anything else to wear.  

And to prove there was real head damage: I got into the shower today and THEN turned on the water.  Who does that?  I’m afraid that this head injury has really rattled me if I could forget one of the basic rules of showering.  And while we’re on the subject of showering… why aren’t all shower / soap products not made with a pump dispenser?   This seems like the natural progression for our society and I don’t know why the future isn’t here yet.

Sharon told me she had kid illnesses lately. So, does that mean my 2-3 ear infections a year make me a baby?  Or is it the irrational crying that causes the ear infections?  This is something I might want to bring up to my doctor ASAP.  I would ask the internet but WebMD is basically the devil.  I looked up possible reasons for my headache and one of them was Post Traumatic Headache that could last anywhere from 2 weeks to LIFE. 

Luke: Look! When you press that button you get a lil walking man!

And because that holiday where everyone gets to be happy, celebrate and enjoy life is only a couple days away…

That and my super awesome green wig that I got in the mail from my parents… That’s right.  Taking it to the next level. 

Break It Big

I find it infinitely ironic that the first two people to see my car when it arrived in Seattle, would be the last two people to see my car.  The saab got into a bit of an accident yesterday when a young chippy decided to make a U-turn in front of me and forgot to look or yield before she pulled out in front of me.  In retrospect my memory of the event was very Hollywood in its unexpected, yet perfectly cut scenes of seeing the car, hitting the breaks, and then ever so suddenly noticing that both air bags have made an appearance and perhaps I should try to get the car over to the side of the road.  I couldn’t get the key out of the ignition, nor could I shut the car off so the firemen we nice enough to saw through the hood so they could cut the battery.  The EMT assured me that there was no salvaging the hood anyway right before he said “this is a pretty sweet saab convertible you have here.” And I replied, “It was.” 

Because I’m a lil shook up, bruised and banged I’m going to just give you some highlights of the weekend and ask you to bear with me. 

So recaps of the weekend!  Went to see Alice in Wonderland—for which I actually sewed part of my costume.  I figured if Dawne could spend 5 days on a hat I could sew a couple of hearts on my shirt.  I also made Zach and Jordan’s presents so you could say I’m really occupying my time well.  

Could I look any shorter in this picture?  I was waiting for the car in this outfit when someone asked me if I was a playboy bunny, to which I immediately replied “Not yet.”

On pawn shops:

T  O’B: I don’t like going into pawn shops.  They always make me sad, like someone had to give up something the loved because they were desperate for cash.

Luke: Yea I’m sad and then I’m like YAY! I got a new thing!

On conversations Matty has overheard on buses:

Young lady to her boyfriend: Don’t worry honey you have lots of things in common with my dad.  You both love Guns n Roses.  And you both have spent exactly three years in prison…

On waking up with a song stuck in your head:

Fuck you, Black Eyed Peas.  How do you know that tonight’s going to be a good good night?

On Vegas Hotels:

Lucas: Who do you think would win in a fight the Imperial Palace or the Excalibur?

T O’B: The Excalibur has well, the Excalibur so I’m pretty sure it would win.

Lucas: What about the Flamingo?

T O’B: See there, they have a great flock of birds on their side—but I will give you that between the Imperial Palace and the Riviera the Imperial Palace could do some damage. 

On embarrassing Zach’s girlfriend:

Nate: These rooms have pull out couches, maybe Zach and Kate could just sleep in here with us.

Dawne: That was my original plan. I was trying to protect Kate’s honor.

Jordan: You’re welcome Zach. 

(You can fill in a picture here of Kate’s mortification.)

Nate: Now see I thought I would be the one to embarrass Kate. 

On who likes who:

Kate: I think your mom likes me but I’m not sure about Tiffany.

Zach: Did you think she was funny?

Kate: Yes.

Zach: Than she likes you.

On seeing a bride and groom taking pictures

Luke: Ah True love! The second best reason for getting married.

T O’B: What’s the first?

Luke: Pregnancy

(did I mention the bride was with child?)

I also won Nate’s dignity on Friday night.  We figured it was worth about a dollar.  I’m thinking about having it framed with a lil plaque in case he needs to find it one day. 

While in the airport we needed to get up stairs and there was a big line for the escalator so everyone with me decided to use the stairs.  I went to follow but Dawne told me that with my injured foot I better take the escalator.  Unknowingly, I was later spotted on the escalator with arms crossed and lower lip thrust out to which Dawne hollered down to me “Now, now.  There’s no need to pout.  I’m up here waiting for you.” 

I got into a lengthy discussion with Shane over whether or not New York was a part of America.  He was pretty adamant that it was not.  When he substantiated his argument by saying that New York and London were above and beyond any country in culture and environment—so I conceded maybe that is a band wagon I can jump on. 

I’ve gotta run and try to empty out the trunk of my car.  Pam seems to think it’s not good that I have a bottle of gin in my roadside emergency bag.  And then maybe I’ll make a doctor’s appointment for this headache.  *sigh* I liked it better when I had a headache b/c I didn’t like the taste of Nevada water and just continuously drank alcohol. 

Who wants to go out for St. Patrick’s Day next week? B/c I do.  LMK

POTUS Dreams

I told one of my friends about the trampoline gym and they went and had a party there on Friday night—which could have been amazing if I had a happy foot that let me jump.  I took pictures of the tom foolery of others though, which is almost as good as enjoying it myself.

I started reading Pride & and Prejudice & Zombies.  I’m torn between laughing at the new twists in the story and being angry that the author didn’t think the subtle humor of Jane Austin had to be re-written to be more obvious. 

(Same picture.  Entirely different message.)

Last week I talked to Kevin on the phone b/c he had a really rough day.  First he had to spend an hour and ½ on the bus “sitting still and quiet” only to be returned home.  Then he told me about playing Monopoly with Patrick and how Patrick got tired of making change and would only accept exact amounts which led to a discussion about Math Skills and how forfeiting is the same as losing (no one likes to learn that lesson).  Then he couldn’t find the wii game he borrowed from the library. And how he was “naked on top” b/c he got really hot taking the laundry out and left his shirt on the floor in the living room.  I asked if he regularly left things on the floor and perhaps that’s why he couldn’t find the wii game.  Then he hung up on me (“accidently”).  Being 6 is hard. 

When I was younger I wanted to be President of the United States (my parents even got me the book on how to do it.)  I later switched and said I wanted to be Press Secretary (ignoring the fact that I often lie under pressure).  After re-watching some West Wing I think the only real impediment that I hadn’t anticipated was the fact that no one in the West Wing gets more than 4 or 5 hours of sleep every night.  Yes.  This is the only reason why I wouldn’t be able to be President.  I need my shut eye.

I told Nater that it would be a good idea to dress up to go to Alice in Wonderland for his birthday event on Friday—but everyone looks so scary in the new movie.  I wonder if Mary Ann still looks like a sweet but annoying older sister b/c I’m pretty sure wearing a big sign that says “Eat Me” is going to be entirely inappropriate.  Ideas are welcome folks. 

Saw Legally Blonde on Saturday at 5^th Ave Theatre and was sad I forgot my pink boa to complete the evening.  Rach ran to get to the play on time—and seeing as on Monday the doctor told her she had a (foot) stress fracture from running too much—was probably not her best move.  I do think it’s awfully sweet of her to take herself down closer to me physically, but even friendships should have their limits.  (I don’t really mean that.)

I was going to try to tell you about this hilarious conversation Dawne and I had about multiple appliances in the house that don’t work, which are sitting next to other appliances that do work, and how we have no real intention of getting rid of any of the broken appliances…but we are willing to spend hours cleaning out our closets to get rid of stuff just b/c we haven’t worn them in a while.   But I tried telling the story out loud and no one laughed.    It’s a slow news cycle.  I hope it’s not b/c I’m wasting time talking about appliances.  Naw. That can’t be it. 

Lucas tried YooHoo for the first time so that he could be more like Chanandler Bong.  I don’t even think he liked it, but I told him he would never be as cool as Chandler if he didn’t drink it… so we’re getting a case tomorrow. 

Happy Birthday, Birthday Boys and Girls! Especially Nater, Ja-ne-tte, Banana Head, Zach, Matt Robinson, Bryan with a Y, and anyone else who I haven’t gotten a fb reminder for.  Dawne says we’re not allowed make any new friends with birthday’s in March b/c it’s just too much…TOO MUCH! So I’m glad we became friends before now or else I would have to toss you over board.  Have a great one!

Vegas this weekend—I’ll try to do something stupid and/or irresponsible so I have better stories next week.