Sweet and Sarcastic: Raven Soto

If only I had something to be late to. This here card is to motivate me to write, picture-ize, and send this Monday email before Thursday. I have increased the challenge by only giving myself 4 days of material to work with—but Jordan went to Seattle Comic Con and brought me home tons of Muppet comics and a Ben Walker signed Muppets drawing so I’m feeling spunky.

(I still <3 you cookie monster, but this cards brings two random stories together in a humorous way.)

Patrick: Mom—I thought you gave up sweets with me?

Mo: I Did.

Patrick: Then why were you eating jelly beans?

Mo: Well, that was Sunday honey.

Patrick: Um no. I definitely saw you eating jelly beans on Wednesday.

Mo: Right. The devil made me do it.

If we are tallying presents, I’m about 1.5 in 6 for the month of March. Janette and Briana’s cards were bought but never sent, Aunt Pat’s I actually put postage on but now I don’t know where it is. Jordan thought my handmade, Tiffany designed business cards with awesome holder was his favorite present (this was the success story.) Nate—I thought getting him the complete works of Lewis Carroll given that we were going to see the movie was perfect, but the ride home from the movie led me to believe he had already read and owned the complete works. Bust. I carefully soaked, peeled and redistributed labels so that root beer looked like beer for Zach who was turning 21 but doesn’t like to drink so it could look like he was getting wasted without getting hassled—but he immediately peeled off the label b/c he didn’t get what was going on, defeating the effort. Bust. Then I got him a book which I thought was perfect, but he left it here—though Jordan loves it so I get back a .25. Oddly enough Zach did take back to school the remote control skunk I got him scoring me another .25. I am totally retiring for the next week so I can go full force for Bails and The April babies.

Luke has been getting random tapes at goodwill, mostly found inside old tape players. It’s his new hobby. He brought home like 7 yesterday for 30 cents. He made a whole bunch of amazing mix tapes last summer. Today he told me:

Luke: I’m going to make a lot of mix tapes this summer too. Unless of course I have friends.

(That was random… and so is this…)

Jordan: I heard Ponyo was good.

Zach: I heard mixed reviews.

Jordan: Well I did hear it from a security guy at the airport—but if you can’t trust the TSA who can you trust.

T O’B Mental note: Always ask Jordan who his sources are.

Frita told me he wanted to delete Raven Soto from his facebook page. He first asked me on Facebook, so I had to tell him not only directions but also that whomever he was about to delete already got a warning. I called him to walk him through the process, but first I thought we would do some detective work to find out who this punk was. He looked to be around 9 holding a military gun with actual military behind him. He shared friends with my uncle and 3 cousins. When I asked Frita to look at his info Raven Soto’s quote was “I am awesome and anyone who doesn’t think so will die.” I quickly got Frita to de-friend but then he got the “are you sure you want to do this” message and Frita asked me “Am I sure? Will he kill me?” I hope we made the right decision.

(I really think it’s going to be fine Frita…but seriously, how perfect is this card?)

I found out that my cousin secretly got married. I found out b/c Kathi saw that my cousin’s new husband’s facebook page was recently changed to married. Kathi then skyped me to confirm that it was true and not just another one of those accidental relationship updates. First, Congratulations! And Second, I really am telling everyone that had there been a big hoopla that I would have been the maid of honor. And yes, the bachelorette party would have been WONDERBAR. And thirdly, tell me this is what your veil looked like:

My Uncle told me that democracy will soon be dead. I told him to call me when it happens b/c I don’t watch the news. He also told me I should get a job at a gas station so I could tell my kids how I struggled through this hard time. I asked him if I should then leave out the part where I just got back from Vegas.

My head is still pounding from the accident. I went to get x-rays and a catscan but they didn’t give me the results before I left the hospital. B/c I’m a nutter and was completely freaking out about internal bleeding, I spent Saturday cleaning my room. I threw out 3 trash bags of things that weren’t necessary. Partially b/c I clean when I am upset, and partially b/c I was afraid I was going to die in the middle of the night and wanted to save someone the trouble of getting rid of the stuff. Feel free to consult the dictionary term for “nutter” here: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nutter I felt bad for anyone who called me to see how I was b/c I have my cranky pants on... and I can't seem to find anything else to wear.

And to prove there was real head damage: I got into the shower today and THEN turned on the water. Who does that? I’m afraid that this head injury has really rattled me if I could forget one of the basic rules of showering. And while we’re on the subject of showering… why aren’t all shower / soap products not made with a pump dispenser? This seems like the natural progression for our society and I don’t know why the future isn’t here yet.

Sharon told me she had kid illnesses lately. So, does that mean my 2-3 ear infections a year make me a baby? Or is it the irrational crying that causes the ear infections? This is something I might want to bring up to my doctor ASAP. I would ask the internet but WebMD is basically the devil. I looked up possible reasons for my headache and one of them was Post Traumatic Headache that could last anywhere from 2 weeks to LIFE.