Fat for Free

Becky was putting together eggs full of candy to put in with her goodie bags for the homeless and she thought it might be nice to put in a passage from the bible.  When she asked which passage she should put in, her husband suggested a short one: “Jesus Weeps.”

I went home to NY for Easter.  I got to the airport a little early so I stopped in to get a beer and sat playing Pokémon in the airport bar.  The flight was turbulent so I didn’t get any sleep.  By the time I actually got home, even with a nap, I felt like I was hung over.  But you don’t have time to recover when you are only in town for two days. 

My mom had bought some toothbrushes and toothpaste for Becky to hand out and they were in the living room. 

Kyle: Can I have one?

Mom: It’s for people that don't have any.

Mo: Not for people for who don't use them!

  

I took a walk with Mo and the boys to give out flyers for the beach association.

Mo: Do you know the house with the chicken?

Kevin: Chicken? Yououtchyamind!?

Mo: We now have fat free milk in the house.  Kevin just learned that fat free meant no fat.  Up until now he wouldn’t let us buy it.

Kevin: Who would want fat for free? That’s gross.

Kevin (age 7): I told Cassandra that I can’t date her b/c I’m I'm already having sex with Sophie.

Mo: You’re WHAT?

Kevin: I’m having sex with Sophie.

Mo: What do you think that means?

Kevin: You know, kissing.  That’s what Patrick told me.

Patrick: That’s what Tommy told me.

Mo: Sex means that you want to make babies.

Kevin: Gross!

Mo to me: Great.  I have one kid preaching about Jesus and one having sex with Sophie.

Debina, Mark and Briana came over to Mo’s to decorate eggs along with a new neighbor.  I take decorating eggs very seriously.  When we were younger, my parents used to have us decorate 10 dozen eggs.  We individualized each egg, making an egg (with their name) for each and every person in the neighborhood and then we delivered the eggs on Easter morning.  Naturally, our history of egg making has raised the bar on how to color an egg.  So when Debina brought her fiancé over to meet us, he might have been slightly over-whelmed.  Though, Deb was just as harsh a critic as we were when he tried to make a cow out of his egg. 

Neighbor (recently moved to Jefferson Valley from the Bronx): So where are you moving to?

Deb: Wappinger’s Falls.

Neighbor: Where is that?

Deb: North of here.

Neighbor: MORE NORTH THAN HERE!?!

(In a fit of giggles, I looked at Briana “I can’t wait for you to tell her where you live.”)

Mo checking on the kids outside: Oh they found a rope and they are using it to—NOT AROUND THE NECK!!  (Mo to Deb) Any time you want me to watch your kids just let me know. 

3 year old: I found an ant.

Neighbor: Oh honey.  It’s probably just looking for its Mama ant.

Mo: We kill them.   My kids have listened to Pat and I so much that now it doesn’t matter if it’s a bird or a squirrel or whatever the comes on to the deck they kids will open the door yelling “GET OFF OUR DECK!!”

Frita (after getting off the phone): I think J has a job.

Maureen: Why do you think that?

Frita: She said I don’t have that much time with work and all.

Mom: Then why didn’t you ask about it?

Maureen: You could have said “That’s interesting.  Where are you working?”

Frita: But I didn’t find it interesting and I wasn't interested.

Pat (my brother in law): I am liking you more and more every year.

Momela: Do you see what’s happening?  We are very incompatible in the mornings.  Your dad is like the energizer bunny—he just can’t stop and I just want to relax and have some coffee.  Then, by 9 when I have actually started moving and I’m ready to go—he’s ready for a nap.

Jackie: Aunt Carla is going to marry my teacher.  I’ve got it all figured out.  They are going to meet at Kevin’s birthday party, fall in love, and get married.  Can I be a bridesmaid?

Me: You know Jackie; you might want to think about this and wait to introduce them until after you’re out of school.

Jackie: Why?  

Me: Maureen dated one of my teachers, and then when she wasn’t interested anymore he would ask me in class “What’s going on with your sister.  Is she going to call me?”

Mo: Oh right.  He was one of the 5 Pat’s I dated before marrying Pat.

Bailey: Aunt Tiffany, Charlotte has already decided that you are going to marry her Uncle.  She’s even named your kids. 

(His name is Mark Underwood, he lived in CA, and I still need to check with Charlotte on what my kids names will be.)

Bailey: Aunt Carla, on the super off chance that you do get married….

(I didn’t hear the rest of this statement b/c I was laughing too hard.)

The kids were playing hide and go seek on Sunday and Morgan is very good at hiding.  As they walked around in a group, she was behind a tree and would just inch around as they walked.  Eventually, getting frustrated, we heard the kids start yelling “Morgan! The ice cream truck is out here!! Don’t you want Ice Cream?”  But she didn’t fall for it. J

Stacey’s Dad Carl: I want to play my mp3’s in the car but I only have CD player.

Me: Well, you can do it, but it isn’t as good as if you have a tape deck.

Carl: I don’t want the sound quality to go down.  I mean the sound quality of the CD player is just okay as it is I only want to invest in something that will make the sound quality go up.  My wife insists on cassettes, and that sound quality is no good.  I want better sound quality.  Do you use youtube?

Me: YouTube? Yes.

Carl: Ever listen to music on YouTube.

Me: Sure, I’ve watched some music videos.

Carl: You can convert anything you listen to on YouTube into a music file.

Me: So you don’t REALLY care about sound quality then.

Momela: If you hadn’t been a cop you could have made a great thief, Carl. 

Luke looking up Juju-bee T-Shirts: Oh man!  You can get a Fruit Strips T-Shirt!  Remember Fruit Strips!?  In the beginning taste promised flavor of amazing proportions but then so quickly the flavor would fade and you would be left with an over-whelming amount of disappointment?  They are a lot like life in that way.