Jamie's Jam

We went to the dog park on Monday, and I got a call from Raymond.  15 minutes later, I found out he was calling from the dog park. 

Ray (to Luke): I think your account is spamming my newsfeed. It keeps posting videos.
Me: Luke just likes to post random videos.

(Later)
Luke: I don't know if I should be insulted that Ray thinks my posts are Spam.
Me: Oh, you should definitely be insulted.

When we got home, Lucas got a phone call.  When he hung up he turned to me:

Luke: Everyone wants to hang out with me.
Me: It's hard to be the king
Luke: I know.
(Pause)
Me: Wait, who wants to hang out with you other than Evron?
Luke: No one. It’s just Evron - Every. Day.

Me: My phone's lock button no longer works.  It's going to be like 1999 with pocket dialing -- only now it will be pocket emailing and facebooking too.

Lucas: They had cell phones in 1999? 

Me: Okay fine, 2002 - I mean they did have cell phones in 99 but they didn't really fit in your pocket.

We have had some issues with Applebee’s, in that it takes 5 times longer than it should to eat there.  I saw that they had remodeled (turns out, they just made the inside less interesting – which definitely a way to go) so we decided to give the place another whirl.  After the announcement of dining choice was made, everyone scrambled to get their iPads.  On my way up the stairs to get mine, Luke was coming down with his DS.

Me: It’s ridiculous that we're bringing games to Applebee’s.
Luke: It’s ridiculous that we are going to Applebee’s.

Over all, with a combination of electronics and a trivial pursuit knock off that someone got free at Gen Con, the experience on a whole was terrific (though we did ask Jordan to stop reading the questions once he was in the car driving us home.)   He acquiesced, albeit grudgingly.

On Thursday, Dawne and Jordan went to the Premiere of Conan the Barbarian.  When Dawne arrived, she pulled an embarrassing mom move as she yelled, with arms waving excitedly, “FRED!! FRED!! HEY FRED!!” who was clearly in discussions with important Hollywood types (as “important” as a Hollywood type gets – important to Fred, I’m sure.)  I guess she knows her friends, because he turned around and with arms waving yelled, “DAWNE!”   My third question (first two were “How are Fred and Jay and what were they wearing?”) when they got back was:

Me: Did you see Lisa Bonet?

D&J: Who?

Me: Denise Huxtable!?

Jordan: Oh, that’s who that was…

Me: *Sigh.*

Saturday morning, we all got up, had coffee/breakfast outside. 

Lucas: I’ve been thinking about it, and I have a plan.

Me: A plan?

Lucas: Yea.  If I ever get some mental disease like Schizophrenia or whatever, I’ll be totally fine because I have all of you to take care of me.

Me: I’m not sure if you can call that a “plan.” Also, the problem here is that you’re younger than all of us, and you’re kind of supposed to take care of us. 
Lucas: Yea, but why would you want a crazy guy taking care of you?

Lucas and I had painted on tiny canvases, using tiny easels and tiny tubes of paint earlier in the week, and while he was quickly finishing one of his paintings, I decided to do a quick painting.  Dawne also wanted to paint, but didn’t get the “quick” memo – so we might have used up our sun time on the deck.  (Who knew we were only going to get an hour and half of nice weather – I mean other than weather.com that is.)  We got our suits on and headed down to the boat.  Luke and I were ahead of the group, and when we got down towards the pool Lucas said, “That's a bad omen, a headless bird. Oh and now a dead rat! Disgusting. We should have a hunt of small dead animals.”  And, THEN, we went on the boat (toting a plethora of blankets for all of us).  We might as well have had a bubble over our heads that said, “We WILL enjoy our summer!” 

After that, we put the tops down on the cool cars (heat blasting – enjoying summer!) and went to XXX, ate food that was not good for us, then dropped Luke off at the Redmond skate park, got coffee, stopped at the Pet Store, and then picked Luke back up before the going to the dog park.

Me: How was it?

Lucas: It was okay. I got called “knee pads”. And, there was a BMXer who jumped over me while I was putting the pads on.

Saturday night we wanted to do something “Vacation Like” so we went to South Center Mall (livin’ large!)  This was after I thoroughly disappointed Derek (Zach’s BFF) by telling him that while his idea was quite good, I would never ever use it because I think talking to strangers is a lot of work. 

Derek: Okay, so what if there was an old guy who said…

Zach: that he really liked young boys?

Luke: Does he also have candy? I do like candy.

Anyway, we went to down to South Center, went shopping, got dinner (It was like we were in Universal without the rides!) and then saw 30 Minutes or Less.  Review: I thought it was hilarious, but wouldn’t recommend it to a friend.  I’m too easily entertained to ever review anything. 

Sunday, I got up, ran to the store to get ½ and ½ so I could make mac and cheese, but took Lucas so, an hour later we finally made it home.  They went to the renaissance fair, while I stayed up cooking for the baby shower.  Here are some of the highlights:

We decorated onesies (did you know that Onesies is a registered trademark of Gerber? I know.  Me neither.)  I made one with an elephant that said, “Please don’t Ignore Me.” And one that just said, “Dear Mommy, Will I grow up to be as pretty and funny as your friend Tiffany?” I imagine she’ll wear this home from the hospital.  Jen also made a hilarious shirt:

We all got to chill on Laina’s deck (See us chill?)

Me: I don't believe in...
Jen: Accommodating others?
Me: Yes!
Jen: That's why we're friends.

Jamie: Those silicone bowls are amazing!
Rach: The only silicone he'll ever enjoy.

I forgot to read the invitation, so I didn’t know that not only was the baby a girl, but also named Chloe.  Apparently, Shana made sure those who brought gender neutral presents were segregated:

(Mine is the one that says “FOR A BABY”)

Jen made another beautiful cake that I was more than happy to volunteer to cut up.  As I was dicing the decorative delight:

Jen: It's filled with Jamie's Jam.
Laina: That's what she said. 
Rach: No woman has ever said that!
Laina: Sorry, that's what HE said. 

Shana wanted to make sure that I told you about a rather explicit conversation that involved semen recipes and free range breast milk, but honestly the moment the conversation started, I knew I was never going to repeat it, so I didn’t listen as carefully as my friends like me to.  Shana did supply a link though http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/natural-harvest---a-collection-of-semen-based-recipes/5198959, for anyone interested in bringing up the discussion at the next baby shower they go to… (I’m have no doubt you’ll be able to fill in the blanks.) 

Lucas: I wish they would riot here so I could get some cool stuff at Guitar Hero.

Last weekend additions:

Jen took Lily to see the SeaFair activities including the Hydroplanes.  Lily, the 4 year old, reacted to this site with, “That was F***ing crazy!” I think Jen was torn between correcting her, and congratulation her on using the term properly.

Maureen: Do I look as young as Aunt Tiffany?

Kevin: No.

Maureen: How old do I look?

Kevin: 6 years older.

Kyle: 4 years older, Mommy.

That’s somethin’.

My mom really loves the Go the F*** to Sleep book.  http://www.stott.nl/wp-content/uploads/Go_To_Sleep.pdf or hear it read by Samuel L. Jackson

 Anyway, it’s in the car in case she wants to show it to someone.  Before the party last weekend, one of the bridesmaids was sitting next to my sister in the car and Maureen handed the book to the school teacher bridesmaid and she said, “Go the… fock? Go the… folk?  OH! I…I…I’m not sure if I would read this to children.”

Neighbor: I didn’t get a chance to mow the lawn down by the lake.

Maureen: That’s okay.  I’ll go down and do it now.

Neighbor: I can do it tomorrow.

Maureen: It’s not a problem.  I’ll throw the lawn mower in the car and just run down and do it.

Neighbor:  But you're a woman.
Maureen: Hear me roar!