Confusing Awkward for Awesome

Before you ask, yes, I missed you too.  The quick summary of last week was that I went on a cruise with the Seattle/German fam.  Nathan and Kathi told me that they don't read all of my updates, and then told me that I need to create a character list.  I told them that people who don't read what I write already, aren't allowed to ask me to write more - not that it hasn't occurred to me that a character list wouldn't be helpful mind you, I just get huffy sometimes. 

Jordan, Dawne, Zach, Nate, Luke, plus Kathi (D&J's German daughter), and Jordan's parent's, Mort and Judy were all in attendance on the biggest ship ever made, the Allure of the Seas.  I have lost count of how many cruises I have been on, but this ship by far trumped them all.  Complete with an ice skating rink, deep diving pool, a central park, boardwalk, Starbucks, surfing area, zip lining, rock climbing wall and well too many other things to list here. 

Overheard in the elevator of the ship: There isn't a sea otter exhibit. Quite a disappointment.

Kathi: I was embarrassed to tell anyone I was going on this trip [because of how extravagant it all was].

Me: Weird, I had the complete opposite feeling.

At midnight the night before we left:

Kathi: My flight is delayed. They think we will make it to Atlanta in time. I hope so because otherwise I could have issues with my connection. There are only Americans here O.O I can tell by their beige pants and new balance shoes! Jk  XD Either way apparently my plane does not have an entertainment system, which rendered me close to a nervous breakdown.

Meanwhile, at 5:45am, Lucas, who I must say not only packed himself, but packed early and had included items that he thought his siblings might forget, walked into the kitchen with a mariner’s hat, red sunglasses, blue and red shirt, red seersucker shorts, and red flip flops.  Here was the reaction as people trickled into the kitchen:

Zach & Nate: You cannot leave the house like that.

Me: He's very matchy match.  You might be cold, but otherwise I think you look great.

Dawne:  You might be chilly on the plane. 

Jordan: You can't go through security like that.

Lucas repeatedly told us that he was fine and wouldn't be cold.  "In fact, I think I have a fever."

Jordan: Do you want TSA to not let you go on this trip because they think you are wearing underwear?!

Lucas: I'm wearing shorts! I made these shorts myself! If that happens, I'll just show them I have underwear under these.

Jordan: GO PUT A PAIR OF JEANS IN YOUR BACK PACK!

Lucas (walking up the stairs.): The world isn't ready for you, Lucas.

Every time I go on a trip with this fam, I am always worried I'm going to be left home a la Home Alone.  Especially because when Nate was like 5, Dawne told him to return a bike to a neighbor's house, and then left, leaving Nate sitting patiently on the neighbor's front step. 

Dawne: Speak up if you aren't here!

Nate: I'm here - this time. 

Jordan: Is he still complaining about that time we left him?

Nate: Don't be surprised if I reincarnate as a clingy girl.

Dawne and I watched "This Means War" on the plane, and I think I might have been bruised by the number of times she hit me during this scene to emphasize that it might have been Dawne and I talking instead of Witherspoon and Handler.  (LOOKING FOR CLIP!)

We got to Orlando safe and sound, except for Dawne's new Mickey Suitcase, which was not sound upon arrival.  Dawne went to talk to someone about it. While we were waiting I learned two knew dance moves.  One involved one pointer finger straight up and twirling it around (Classic Nate.)  The second was a minimalist breakdance from Lucas that also featured the pointer finger - but this time this finger was reenacting a mini "worm." Both of these dance moves would of course be repeated throughout the trip.   Finally, she returned with two plastic bags filled with her belongings saying, "Look!  I went in with one bag and came out with TWO!"  Classy. We then quickly started our trip down to Ft. Lauderdale.  I started reading the Pearl out loud to Dawne until it got too dark.  Then Dawne, Zach, Nate and Luke played Risk.  When things started getting serious, I heard Lucas say, "Mama.  Please don't attack me."  I'm still not sure if this tactic worked, but it was worth a try. 

Let's see, met up with Kathi and Mort and Judy at the hotel.  I realized that despite my attempt at being prepared for every possible situation, I had neglected to pack a toothbrush, but Kathi brought TWO, so disaster was averted.  (And you thought I was going to leave out the details this week.)  Did I mention that Kathi is so proficient in English that when she can't think of the word, it always ends up being something like “existentialism" or in Sunday's case, Dawne and I struggled to come up with the word, "meringue."  I mention this, because during this trip we had several conversations that went like this:

Kathi: This is awkward.

Me: Oh, I think you're confusing the English language again.  The word you're looking for is "Awesome."

After a high-five/fist pump action:

Kathi: I think you bruised me.

Lucas:  Oh, I think you're confusing the English language again.  The word you're looking for is "Bro'd" you. 

With 7 people, and 7 people's worth of luggage, it was impossible to fit everyone into the van safely.  As we were trying to figure out the situation so that we could get from the hotel to the ship, Jordan yelled back at us, "GET IN THE CAR! GET IN THE CAR! GET IN THE CAR!"  to which Lucas calmly replied, "You don't understand that it takes longer to get in the car than for you to say "get in the car".  It actually only takes two seconds to say "get in the car."

Lucas: You know what would be a great name for a group that had one Asian and one Jew?  "Soy Vey." 

Me:  You can still make that happen.

Lucas:  And a great name for a group from Chicago?  Ill Noise.

During a late night discussion with Nate & Kathi about relationships in the Champagne Bar (I ordered the Flirtini - more than once.)

Kathi: I think my mom is worried about my single status.  She sent me a monkey seminar on leadership and to go show that you're ready to mate. 

We got on the ship, it was awesome.  This was our room which had a central park balcony:

And this was Dawne and I enjoying the view from her balcony (before we set sail):

Let's see, the first thing we did was go to Johnny Rockets and check out the surfing area.  Lucas told me that in New York, when someone wants two slices of pizza, they just say that they want "two cuts."  This was news to me, but it totally worked at Sorento's.  While we had the finest of dining experiences, Luke ordered a lot of pasta with marinara and I think ate around 20 hot dogs.      

I should probably mention that Kathi hates water, getting wet and riding horses. Naturally, I was immensely amused by the amount of things we did to torture Kathi on this trip (she was seriously an incredibly good sport during every single activity.)  I would even say she actually enjoyed herself a couple of times.  Amazingly, she volunteered to get into a pool even.  Immediately after entering, I saw an expression on her face that indicated that the water on her skin felt like she was in a pool of urine - but the point here is she did get into a pool.  Then, she got out of the pool and we played a full game of volleyball with strangers.   I tried to take a nap on the beach of Haiti.

Me: Can someone explain to that crying baby that I need a nap?

Dawne: His daddy is trying to have fun with him in the water. 

Me:  Kathi, I think we found a kindred spirit for you. 

I can only describe the excursions as terrifyingly awesome.  Terrifying because every activity made me think I might die or seriously injure myself, but then eventually I was like WHOA I can't believe I did that - that was amazing.  We got to Haiti an hour later because our ship needed to help another in distress.  We then hit up the beach, climbed around on floaty things and trampolines (again, being on the top of the slide because it was so high was terrifying.)  Meanwhile, Lucas started climbing to the top of things, holding up one finger and yelling, "AMERICA NUMBER ONE!" (Just what the Haitian's wanted to hear, I'm sure.) We then went on a Jet Ski tour - which shouldn't have been scary, but I wasn't used to not driving, and I was afraid I was going to pull Dawne off the Jet Ski and we could both fly off and break something.  I did a lot of screaming, "I. AM. HAVING. SO. MUCH. FUN!" every time I thought I was going to die.  At one point, Dawne, following the group, was zigzagging across the sea instead of making a straight line, to which I said, "What the hell are they doing....? Oh. I see.  We're having FUN."   I squeezed my legs so tightly together on this trip, that the next morning my inner thighs were super sore.  There was good news to be had, however. One, they didn't leave me in Haiti and two, the next day we went horseback riding!  In the water! Combining Kathi's two favorite things!

Day two of terrifying awesome.  We climbed up Dunn's River Falls.  Not on the side, but up the center, with gushing water and no safety measures beyond holding hands.  The gentleman hold my hand literally had to pull me up the whole time, thank God.  I only fell twice, and the second time I twisted my ankle.  In the end though, it was pretty awesome that we did it.  Here's a picture of other people doing it because Dawne has our pictures - note that when we went, it was so crowded that there were 4 or 5 lines going up and ours was in the middle. 

Still soaking wet, we grabbed some lunch and headed to ride horses.  Half was a normal ride, and the end was us riding into the sea.  I don't know why I was scared of falling off the horse, but I definitely gave my thighs another work out while whispering, "You're doing such a good job, Baby" over and over (mostly to the horse, but a little bit to myself. He was probably thinking, "What is this good crap? I'm doing GREAT."

On day three or 4:

Me: How many shirts did you pack?

Zach: Two. 

He lied though, I saw at least 4.  And one of Luke's.

Did I mention that I had a cold all week?  See, the only real reason why I'm invited to anything is to be happy and excited.  So clearly, I needed to pretend I didn't have a cold, down some Dayquil, and power through.  I did this until Thursday morning, when my body must have known that it was a sea day, and I woke up sleeeepy.  Dawne said she had never seen me so tired, and I couldn't drink enough coffee to battle it.  Instead, I went up to the solarium and dozed with the crew - taking breaks only to jump in the hot tub, and finish reading the Pearl out loud.  I also went down to the infirmary for my ankle and Jordan's hurt side.  When we got down there, we saw that it was 120 dollars for a consultation and 90 dollars if we needed a prescription.  We decided to doctor ourselves instead.  Jordan prescribed me an ace bandage, I prescribed him some rest and to watch it to see if he got any worse.  Done and done. 

Look who we met on Thursday evening?

We went to the Champagne Bar one night before dinner.  They brought out appetizers and peanuts - and because Lucas is allergic to peanuts, he said, "You say nice place I say death trap." And then I gave him some Benadryl. 

Friday, we went to the Yucatan Penninsula.  We had to take a 45 min ferry ride (which meant I got two really long naps in.  Now I know Sean's secret to happiness.)  We then took a bus to Xplore where there was swimming and rafting through stalactite caves, zip-lining, and a crazy jeep ride.  In the caves, "I'm glad we gave Tiffany coffee.  As soon as that kicks in, you're going to be the best partner."  I think it took more like 20 minutes...

The zip-lining was scary because we were walking up these really high towers in the pouring rain, and there was crazy wind, and NO RULES or INSTRUCTIONS.  Finally, I saw a sign that said, "lift your legs up at the end of the line."  It's not much, but I'll take it.  It was also really cold - being soaking wet, on the top of a tower with the rain - so I started randomly breaking into song, "I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW THE RAIN IS GONE!" but it didn't actually make the rain go away.  Dawne was so cold that her hands looked dead.  Like less then no color.  Dead for days, dead. 

Then we did the little jeep things through the caves and huge mud pits. We had to wait quite a bit, again in the torrential downpour.  That's when I found out that Kathi has never been soaked through, outside, all day long and then Nate asked, "What else can we do to torture Kathi on this trip?" I let Kathi drive as I tried to hum the Indiana Jones theme song - which is when we final found something that Kathi LOVED.  She asked if we could get, for her birthday, an opportunity to drive a bulldozer or something else that lets you drive through crazy terrain and mud.  We got stuck a couple of times... or at least someone a couple of cars ahead of us got stuck, that left us stranded, in a cave, with the exhausting pumping out, and Jordan yelling at us to move because we were going to miss our bus and get stuck in Mexico forever.  Kathi and I found it hilarious that someone was probably also stuck with one of the waterfalls of water falling on their heads, and while we were at least having a terrifying blast, there were folks waiting for an hour not knowing what was taking so long.   

Don't worry.  We made it back to the ship - changed, using our towels mainly as a poncho.  On our way back on to the ship, Nate and Zach met a couple of young ladies.  Later that evening, Kathi said of the following conversation, laughing, "Lucas embarrassed Zach and Nate so badly today."  To one of the ladies, asked Lucas about his neon yellow back pack.

Chick: What did you write on your back pack?

Lucas: Flower Power on one strap, and Skate and Distroy on the other - spelled D-I-S for Lols

Saturday it rained, but I was outside anyway.  We did NOT win the trivia prizes (actually Judy did get a key chain.)  I think Team Majestic Shoelace did a good showing, though there was definitely some tension when Kathi wrote down 5 instead of 7 children in the sound of music, and the time I confused Hartford and Hartfield - even though I fixed it.  I want it noted in big red letters that I actually was playing for fun for once.  Mort took things slightly more seriously.   We were a little late for dinner... poor Kathi:

Then on Sunday, Jordan and I got up at 6 am, got off the ship, rented two cars, picked up Dunkin' Donuts, then the fam (priorities), and we all headed back up to Orlando.  There was a moment in which we were 5 minutes from the hotel, but then got lost for an hour, making a full circle because of a GPS malfunction.  I was kind bummed because it was cutting into Disney time, but Kathi, Zach and I comforted ourselves with the reminder that we weren't in the car with a lost Jordan (I heard a lot of cursing, pounding of the steering wheel and the occasion death threat happened while three other people curled into balls and put headphones in.)  Good news?  I got two and half hours of Disney in!  We all wore our "Celebrating Dawne's Birthday" buttons too!

You gotta really want the Dumbo ride:

Tea cups!

We continued our "America Number 1" mantra until I saw some folks from the UK and I yelled "England Number 2" and then looked back at Kathi and said, "Germany Number Four!" to which she said, "Yeah.  We really are number four.  England isn't number 2 in anything though."  

Before getting on the Haunted House ride, I saw a baby in a father's arms.

Me: Who takes a baby on the haunted house ride? 

Lucas:  He's tough.  Just like my kids. The won't ever be scared because I'm going to tell them to base jump.  I'll say, "We’re not leaving until you jump." I'm not going to jump though.

We were soaked on our way out, so I was so glad we were getting into rental cars (because I would never have allowed us into Stella.)

More pictures to come!

I Kill Stuff

I am not going to write to you next week, so, I thought I would get a few notes in now so that you can’t say I didn't consider your Tiffany withdrawal issues. 

First, not funny, but definitely interesting: The Johnny Cash Project. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwNVlNt9iDk

My boss brought back some “Keep Calm….” iPhone stickers back from Licensing show, and I took the “Keep Calm and Sing Sweet Kitty” and put it on the shattered glass of my phone so, preventing injury.   When asked if used it, I responded with, “I put it on right away… though it should be called, “Keep calm and don’t cut your face up.”

I had Zach take this picture for me the other day because I wanted to be able to share it with the world:

During an apparel meeting in which a Spartan was being used on shirt, a lively debate erupted, that was concluded with, “I think this might be a fashion call not a combat effectiveness call.”  You think? 

Yesterday, I walked into the house to find my Uncle Bill was in for a surprise visit!  I said hello, and then immediately made him come outside to meet Stella.

Me: Isn’t she CUTE!

Uncle Bill:  Let me open the hood.

Me: Ooh! I’ve never done THAT before!

Uncle Bill: You bought a car without looking under the hood?

Me: I figured they wouldn’t sell me a car that didn’t have all of its parts, and even if I opened it, who’s to say what I was looking at.

(after checking my oil… three weeks – still good!)

Uncle Bill: How’s the engine?

Me: I don’t know.  Wanna try it out?

Uncle Bill: You got an automatic? (Voice full of disappointment.)

Me: Yup! Went for a lazy upgrade (or downgrade depending on who you ask.) But look – I think if you shift over this way, Stella pretends to be a standard. 

Uncle Bill: That is the best part about this car. 

Me: WOW!  I had no idea Stella could do so many tricks!  She’s so surprising! 

(When we got back)

Me: Uncle Bill had Stella do things she’s never done before. 

Uncle Bill: It has a tiptronic transmission.  It’s pretty cool.  It also has a “sport” button that doesn’t seem to do anything.  You should have that checked out actually. 

Other than that… my eyes are on the mend, I got permission to wear contacts for a couple of days next week so I can go swimming with horses, and I finally drove myself to work today for the first time all week. 

Happy Father’s Day to all of the lovely Dad’s out there especially to the best dad in the world, Frita! (Frita doesn’t like when I exaggerate, that’s how you know this the truth). 

Pre-Trip Chatter:

Kathi: When are you guys flying out exactly?! Are you done packing yet? Can I travel with less than ten pairs of shoes? Will medium strength sun lotion be enough? How much alcohol will we be able to absorb a) without people noticing too much b) before our bodies stop working? Can we put our towels up at 5am to save the best spots and when people argue just say that we are Germans and that this is a cultural thing? Sooo many questions X___X

Me: Marat picks us up at 6:45 am. We get in around 5:30PM to Orlando. I am done packing with the exception of electronics that need to be charged and my passport. I am traveling with 2 pairs of sandals, water shoes and heels. I have 55 spf (face) and I think 70 (face) - but I'll look for a 15 for funsies. A) A lot - but I don't care if ppl notice. B) a lot plus ten shots. If you don't see me walking around with a bucket of coronas - send help. YES on the towels - though I think we can just bring breakfast TO the deck that we're sunbathing at then sleep until bar opens.

OOOH! And Kathi is bringing German face paint for when we watch the futbol.  Game On!

Okay – that’s all we have time for today – see you on the flip side!

A Grat Women

Yesterday, I woke up with extreme eye pain, so I went to the doctor and found out that the contact solution I was using was not friendly with the brand of contacts I have, causing build up on my contacts, which then caused both eyes to be scratched and horribly damaged.  At the doctor, after waiting an hour, she said something sarcastic to me, and through my haze of pain, I took her literally, like a 4 year old would.  Then I had to apologize and explain, “Normally, I’m a REALLY nice person.  REALLY.”  Then, because I haven’t bothered to get new glasses since high school, she had to give me an eye exam with jacked eyes.  Every time I couldn’t see the letters through the tears, I felt like a failure… and I simply. Don’t. Fail.  The silver lining in all of this, is that I got Tiffany frames, because I’m adorable:

My co-worker, Christy and I, have been chatting about dating a lot lately.  Here’s a recent blind date story for your enjoyment:

Me: So Shawn?

Christy: OMG.....He was very nice, polite, all that. Actually quite good looking too, but there was something totally awkward about how he talked. I couldn't figure it out

Me: example?

Christy: I wanted to be like - "Are you British or something?" but no, he's from eastern WA. There was just NO flow to the conversation -

it was really awkward and jumpy.

Me: Maybe you just do that to guys :)

Christy: It was like he didn't have quite the same level of social skills. And so I just felt bad because he was a sweet guy... but it was the most exhausting 55 minutes of my life! So this is how it ends: The waitress comes to ask if he would like another glass of wine... he hesitates and looks at me. I stare off into space with a look of dread on my face. He says,  "No, I think we'll take the check". And then we get up after a few more minutes and he says,  "Let me walk you to your car; I haven't had the chance to ask you what types of activities you might enjoy doing together."  So, we walk to my car chatting about the weather (because he brought 2 umbrellas just in case it might be raining). Then we get to the car and he says, "So, what types of activities do you enjoy doing for dates/hanging out?" I'm not really sure how to answer that question, so I say something like "Well, anything really. Dinner or spending time outside hiking or walking around."  And he was like "Oh, I've been wanting to try hiking Mount Si." And I said, "Oh yes, that’s a great hike." and he said, "Ok good - we have a plan then!" and I was like HUH??? and then he said "I'll call you to set the date and time for hiking" and gave me a super tight hug that took the wind out of me and then kind of skipped away down the road.

I feel like I need to finish this story with commentary, but, maybe it’s just better on its own.  There was also another gentleman who she was going out with that texted, “How do you feel about Skate King?”  And then I got all excited and sent Christy all sorts of things she could wear to Skate King.  But then, we both found out that he was kidding.  Now, even though this gentleman might be in the lead, I hate him a little bit for lying to “us.”

(I don’t mean that – I REALLY love my eyes, and wish deeply for their speedy recovery.  Bring on the blind dates – by the dozens if I that’s what it takes.)

Luke and I ran to Bartell’s to pick up some new acne meds (He wanted to know that, the song he wrote about his previous meds was still valid, he still loves them, they just weren’t working as well and he was being FORCED to get new ones.  I hadn’t even looked at the label before I signed for them (don’t judge me) so, I was definitely not judging him.)  Anyway… On our way home, Luke tried to play a video through Stella.  Luke: No youtube!  It is like 1981 in here!  The next morning, on our way to school, Luke, or maybe I was, humming “I’m a loser baby… so why don’t you kill me.”  And then Luke paused and said, “Because I don’t kill every loser I know.  That’s why, Beck.”  Then you put on “Have a little Faith in me” and we sang at the top of our lungs, officially kicking off the day properly. 

I was at a happy hour / work thing with my boss.  We were talking about dieting options when she interjected with, “That’s why I did Speed in college.  Thinnest I’ve ever been.”  Later, she gave us her drink tickets, telling us she doesn’t drink, to which I said, “Right.  No alcohol.  Just drugs.  Gotchya.”  We also got lots of fun free stuff last week because of E3.  On Friday, someone sent out an email saying that if we missed out on any of the free stuff, we could come by her desk, AND we were going to have more drinky drink time later that often with even more free stuff.  THEN in response to this recap of awesome, someone in my office, replied all, complaining that it was Friday, and we didn’t get free donuts like we usually do.  Really? WHO RAISED YOU, SON?

Dawne and Jordan were in Chicago last week, so Luke and I took the opportunity to start another terrible show, “18 to Life”, a golden chestnut from America’s Hat.  While they were out of town, Summer 2012 at the Compound was officially kicked off.  I knew the moment it started because there were 6 college kids looking for food and wanting to stay up late to have a bon fire. 

Lucas: You know that book “All Quiet on the Western Front?”  I’m going to write my own war story of my body vs. dairy.  It’s going to be called “All Quiet on the Gastro-intestinal Track.  And just like in WWII, Gas will be the most painful weapon.

(Just in case anyone was wondering what going to the grocery store with Luke is like.)

Okay, so Saturday, I thought I was just meeting Shana at Nordstrom’s to go bra shopping, but actually, I was meeting up with Shana and her personal shopper Sammy.  I felt like Richie Raquel, as we tried on clothes that we were given and then told what to buy and to never wear ever again.  We followed that up with some lunch, and a trip to the Nordstrom Rack where I am still regretting not picking this gem up (the best part is that we found this in with the formal wear):

I then met the Shadowrun Intern team at Lincoln Square to see Prometheus.  I don’t want to spoil anything for you, but man there is a chick in who can only be described as a “Survivor.”  I haven’t seen Alien’s (just AVP) – but Luke said we could watch sometime because he has it on Laser Disc (and stopping half way through to flip it over makes it less scary.  Saturday night, I did laundry and tried to pack, but mostly I just sat in the middle of piles of clothing, thinking about who I could get to pack for me.   

Sunday, Fun Day: I started watching “Bob’s Burgers.”  Hilarious.  I also went and got mani/pedi’s with Dawne and Laina – trying out the “Shellac” for the first time.  Yes, I got pink sparkles.  Then, we took the dogs to the park, where Casper accidently bit into Dawne’s finger trying to get the Frisbee.  The bite was hard enough to bruise under the nail, but the NAIL POLISH DIDN’T GET MESSED UP.  Magical.  Oh! Then I started watching Game of Thrones for the first time. 

Laina told me how after she left us last weekend from Kells, she didn’t want to walk any further with her heels, and no taxis were available, so she got into a town car passing by.  The driver asked her for her number, and they texted back and for a bit.  Laina described the fellow as sweet put with terrible spelling and grammar.  When he asked her out, she declined the request.

Laina: He said that I was “A grat women.”

Dawne: I think he just called you a potato head.

We saw a mint green bike with a brown leather seat and white handles.

Me: That’s totally a Stella bike!

Luke: Stella would break it if she tried to ride it though.

Shana: It’s as if your two worlds have collided:

Christy: I just tried to open "MyOrder2" - the contract uploading tool.

Me: Yes?

Christy: I accidentally put www in front instead of just typing it in and a porn site came up. OMG seriously... boobies... right here on my screen.

I was chatting with Adam the other day and he said, “You make really good choices.”  I naturally assumed he was being sarcastic.  Strangely enough, he was serious. So from now on, when I announce a ridiculous plan, and someone asks why (maybe even if they don’t), I’m going to follow it up with, “Because I make really good choices. Obvi.”  (Becky – You’ll have to think of your own reasoning.  :P )

And finally, here’s a little something courtesy of Becky:

http://heychristiangirl.tumblr.com/

No Man Left Behind

Last week was a short but action packed week.  Wednesday night I discovered the Black Raven in Redmond.  Redmond and Woodinville have the oddest habit of putting distilleries, bars and wineries into industrial/office spaces or just tiny shopping malls.  We took Sean to the Malt and Vine and told him he could only pick out one beer and he just kept saying, “This is hell.  This is my personal hell.  All these beers and I can only pick one?”  Yes, Sean.  You can only pick one because I need to get you to work in an hour. 

5 year old Lily to Mama Jen while baby June was screaming: "If this were a song she'd really be rockin' it!"

I was asked recently if I had any pet peeves, only at the time I couldn’t think of any.  Until, that is, I was cleaning up the kitchen on Thursday evening.

Me: I know what my pet peeve is: people who leave straws in the sink.

Lucas: That wasn’t me.  That was Zach.  He was sucking up the bandwidth with that straw.

Before settling on Doc Hollywood (because who doesn’t love Michael J Fox?), we tried watching Mouse Hunt.

Lucas: Mouse hunt was definitely on my top ten list when I was younger.

Me: So was George of the Jungle.

Guy in the movie entering the house for the first time: What a dump!

Lucas: I like this guy… because of his positive attitude. 

Lucas: This is the best toy ever made.

Me: I don’t even think that can be qualified as a toy.

Lucas: It can, and it’s the best. 

Jordan: It’s more of a living sculpture.

Lucas:  Best toy ever made. 

Lucas just taught me that lots of Dentists are named Dennis and a lot of people named George move to Georgia.  I thought it was funny until I read this:

http://www.jagtmester.com/pdf/implicit/3.pdf

I guess I still think it’s funny. 

Last week was hectic at work getting ready for E3 and what not, but it ended with Guinness Floats, so not too shabby (but I admit, not necessarily the best replacement for lunch.)  Grabbed dinner with Adam and then we saw Snow White and the Huntsman.  I don’t want to spoil it for you but Kristen Stewart doesn’t bite her lip ONCE. 

SEAN ARRIVED ON SATURDAY!! J  We went to lunch with Jordan at Odd fellows, followed by a walk and Yogurtland. 

Jordan: Dawne doesn’t think I should use the interns for manual labor. Dawne is also out of town, so I’m going to have them clean out the garage tomorrow.

Then we took a walk around Alki Beach with Shane, Cathy and Fynn as we explained that “Beach” was a bit of an exaggeration.  And then we stopped by Coastal to visit Diana and pick up some presents for the girls.  Then we headed to Dr. Rach’s for a birthday bbq.  The last time Sean met my friends; Laina told a lot of Ambien stories and raved about her Brazilian Blowout.  True to form, my friends were highly entertaining for two hours straight. 

Laina is training for a marathon and Gin and Rach are planning on running with her.  When Laina told us that she had run 6 miles that morning, Gin was reminiscing the last time Rach and she tried to run a marathon without training. 

Gin: This is going to be a “No man left behind” situation right, Laina?

Laina: Sure.  I think I’ll make myself a shirt and on the front it will say, “No man left behind” and the back will say, “except for you bitches.”

Becky: Between the guacamole and the wine I'm glad I came. It was hit or miss until I got the wine.

Sean: That's how church is.

We told everyone that we were going to Kells after the bbq.  Laina then retold the story of when we went to the Meet Up at Kells and even though I not only was there, and have heard the story three times, this time I almost did the pizza hut trick she was so funny.  She told us about talking to a guy for two hours who looked like he had down syndrome, but “It was dark, and so was he.”  The gentleman had asked for her number at the end of the evening and Laina gifted him with her digits but warned him that she wasn’t looking for a relationship, to which he said, “Oh we’ll date.  We will date.”  Laina then proceeded to tell us how she went home and started thinking about a life with this unfortunately looking man, and her fears for their future children’s teeth, and making plans to have her children wear helmets and then she ended her tale with, “Not even the guy with down syndrome will call me! What am I supposed to do with the three helmets I bought!?”

Sean and I had to dash out to Kells to meet some work/client folks.  One guy, upon meeting me, said, “Now we know where all the good looks went to in the family.” And I replied, “I know.  Sean really is a gorgeous man.”  I got super cozy with Sean’s friend Pat, so now we’re best friends.  Laina even made a guest appearance, walking several blocks in extremely high heels – proving how far she’ll go to make me happy. J Over all, I think I only embarrassed Sean twice so, WINNING.  I dropped off Pat and Sean at their hotels and got home at around 2:15.  I got up at around 8 – Sean, however, had a more eventful morning.   Apparently, he had a dream in which he thought he was supposed to deliver something to the convention center.  When he WOKE UP, he was standing in the lobby of the hotel, in his boxers, and had to ask the front desk for a key to get back to his room (because he clearly didn’t have ID with him.) 

At 11:30, I picked him up to meet Shana, Rach and Anders for brunch at Manhattan Drugs.  Shana’s first thought was that she needed the ram for her house (she thought she might need to put it on the outside of the house when you came in, or her bedroom above her bed, because THAT’S not intimidating) and she needed the wallpaper to match her arm. 

I had chicken and waffles for the first time, and then Sean and I headed to the house to chill by the lake, hang out with dogs, and then meet up with Raymond and Michelle.  Then, before we knew it, it was time to get him back to Seattle to meet business folks at the Tap House.  There was a guy from Coca-Cola there and I started to say, “Hey!  I just heard a story about Coca-cola not being able to sell Coca-Cola to the Nazi’s….” and I looked over at Sean, and his eyes were widely communicating, “Why would you tell a story about NAZI’s and COKE!?” I politely ignored those eyes, and continued to explain that Coke created Fanta/Orange soda because the natural ingredients found in Germany, and that’s where Orange Soda comes from.  Seeing as we were just talking about Google and how they know about what you search, I suggested that I look up the story for him and send it, not via Gmail, so that he wouldn’t have to look up “Coke and Nazi” at work.

 

As everyone was leaving to go to the start of the conference, they all invited me to join and generously said they could get a badge for me.  I declined saying, “I’ve worked more than I wanted today… Not that talking to you was work mind you.”  Then yesterday, I was telling a story about someone else that I had been talking to…

Sean: How do you know so much about these people?

Me: You left me alone in a room of strangers for two hours.  I talked to them.

Sean: That explains why they are all Tiffany fans now. 

J Yeah, Boiii!

I’ve decided to put “Working a room” on the list of brother-sister activities that we excel at.  Monday, was fabulous.  There were chicks with coffee carts making latte’s in the office, followed by breakfast and watching Spike TV.  Then a meeting, and lunch was brought in, and because the line was really long, Kelly volunteered to wait on the line for me while I went and got a quick massage (yes, I’m still at work at this point).  Then I got some more work done before ending my day at a happy hour at Lucia’s wearing my new T-shirt.  Then, after that fun filled day, I got to pick up Dawne so that we could have dinner with my big brother.  Guess who’s not complaining about life? J