And They Lived In A Shoe

I was watching the "Happy" documentary on Netflix last week with Lucas. 

One woman was saying that her horses made it easier to deal with her accidents.  On a shot of the horses, Netflix froze.

Me: Drink in the happy healing of the horses.

Lucas: I think that's an individual thing.  When I see horses all I think of is "riding them makes my butt hurt".

Lucas: Tiffany, check it out.

Me: That's a lot of sodium buddy.

Lucas: It said less sodium!!

At looking at little children or "Future 100 year olds" as Lucas called them.

Lucas: They are having a lot more fun than the people in the Crucible.

Me: That could be said of anyone.

Lucas: You know the worst part is none of them were witches.

Lucas: Did you know that there are people in Africa that are little?

Me: Like pigmies?

Lucas. Yeah. And they live in a shoe.

Me: They don't live in a shoe.

Lucas: That's not what I heard.

While watching the same scene in Africa.

Lucas: Do you hear them?  They speak with the clicking.  See, that's why they have more rhythm.

Me: I thought it was Calcutta.

Lucas: The only time I was ever in India was when we watched half a season of Out Sourced.

Last week was also Rosh Hashanah.   The boys told me that their Rabbi told them this joke:  

People recently tried to remove all of the sex and violence from the Bible but then there was just a bunch of Jews complaining – and we already have that with Seinfeld!

My mom also told a really good joke – but I think you should call her and ask her yourself.  J  (I didn’t have a chance to tell Jordan this joke last week because I really didn’t see him. So, she decided to call him herself, which is totally fine.  Only, she called during an important meeting, and because Jordan always picks up the phone, he did and got a bit of a chuckle mid-meeting.  I want to see who else she’ll call now… J )

I left Thursday night for NY. 30 seconds after my plane took off on its way to NY I heard a little kid in the back yell, "We're Flying!!"  If only we all got that excited every time we flew, right?   

Momela and Frita picked me up at the airport and then brought me down to Elmsford to meet up with Banana to look check on flowers for her wedding.  I got to see where she worked - it was very tactile.  I'm so not used to even using the printer at work that it was very cool to see an entire company of people really making things happen.  Wait, back up, while we were in the parking lot there was a car which was parked in the entrance of the parking lot.  As my dad was turning the car around to get out I heard him say, "I wish I had an old car. I'd hit that Mercedes. I really would." (He never would. :P)

After Banana made all the flowers perfect and made sure everything was ready to go we left to get out nails done.  In case anyone was wondering what makes New York better than all the other places, it's their food.  I can elaborate on this, but I'm just going to say this: I miss deli's.  After that, my parents picked me up in Croton, I got a quick nap in, and then hung out with the fam.  I'm not going to say there are geeks in my family, but there were two ladies exchanging corny math jokes at one point and then falling into a fit of giggles. 

The next morning my dad brought me to Dunkin Donut's and Briana's - in that order.  Banana was ready to roll out as soon as I got there.  We made some phone calls on the way there. 

Hair Lady: I'm at the Holiday Inn.

Briana: You're supposed to be at the Hampton Inn.

Hair Lady: Well the GPS took me to the Holiday Inn.

Briana: Oooookay…

When we got to the hotel, I'm pretty sure that I was supposed to be the helpful one, but before I knew it, we were sending Briana out to get us coffee.  I finally used Pinterest in a useful way - to pick out my very Carrie Underwood look.  When I was getting that done, I asked Banana what she was up to and she said, "Just sewing my veil - you know, normal wedding day stuff."  Later, and I don't know why I thought this was hilarious, but one of the Bridesmaids, (who I had just diagnosed myself with ADHD), said, "Will someone remind me to take my anxiety medication?"  Yeah, I'll get right on that.  When I met the Groomsmen, I decided right away that they were invited to make me look quiet and sedate.  Thanks.  One of the first things I overheard them say to one another was, "Hey! Your grey hair matches your suit!" And we were off to the wedding!

Everything was gorgeous, the ceremony, even in the rain, was beautiful, and the reception was so picture perfect that I can't imagine anyone pulling together a more lovely event.  The next day, I got to spend some time with Mo over coffee and then went to church with the parentals, Sean and Bailey and Jackie followed by a game of Twilight and delightful conversation before I had to head out to the airport. 

Oh! And before I forget, Friday, Dawne took Nala to get a sonogram.  We have two pups on the way!  When I told my mom she said, "I didn't even have sonograms for my children!" Here's a pic of Nala's belly: 

And the whelping box - though it still needs the framed pictures of all of us on the walls.  :)

I hope you have a terrific week!

Dirtiest Grandma in Shoreline

As you might have gathered from my "Knock Up Nala Day" update, Nala is definitely preggers.  I received a shower gift from my parents for their "Grand Puppy." So cute.  The whelping box is almost complete - it's constructed, but unfurnished.  I'll send pictures next week when it’s done. 

I was telling Laina, Jen and Shana about the details of Knock Up Nala Day.  My friends were very inquisitive - including such questions as, "Did she talk a lot.....like I did the first time?" and "Where did you meet the baby daddy?  Was it under the bleachers at the local high school.... like my first time?" 

I was talking to my co-worker Christy about going to the zoo.  I said if someone said they didn't want to go to the zoo, I would just say, "Why do you hate Panda's."  She tried to tell me that the Woodland Zoo doesn't have Panda's, but I know for a fact that they have at least one red panda.  She then told me that red panda's didn't count as panda's, just like the sun bear.  Not knowing what the Sun Bear looked like, I started going through pictures, showing her the adorable ones, and then, I don't know how it happened, I started looking at pictures of Yorkie Puppies.  Also, adorable. 

A midst all of the very somber remembrances for 9/11, I got home and Lucas said to me, "I know this is all levels of wrong but we watched a video of 9/11 today and I was thinking aww I miss the WB station."

Becky was telling me that her friend who is a new mommy, has had a lot of time to peruse the "Missed Connections" section of CraigsList.  The other day, she was looking through and found out that one of them was about her!  Complete with description of baby stroller and how hot she looked in just a grey t-shirt and jeans.  She immediately pointed this out to her husband (to prove that strangers think she's hot in just a t-shirt).  Then she proceeded to write the gentleman a very long letter of thanks. 

I was quoting Milton of Office Space the other day to Shana when she told me this gem of a story.

Shana: I love a reasonable volume.  When I was a kid and asked to watch TV my mother always said, "yes, quietly.” So ever since then I ask, "May I watch TV quietly."  I did it when they were here last month. My mom laughed and said "It's your house!"

During lunch with Christy, a bee happened by.  Christy was very concerned about this uninvited attendee, in fact she frozen and one might say, terrified.  I proceeded to capture the bee in her ziplock Tupperware.

Christy:  That was a new Tupperware.

Me:  You can still use it. 

Christy:  But it will have had a dead thing in it. 

Me: We can release the bee before it does - though you did just eat dead chick carcass from that a moment ago. 

Becky came over on Thursday to work out with me and cook me dinner.  I told Ryan and Kelly how impressed I was with her cooking skills. 

Kelly: Yeah. It's a lot of standing up.

Ryan: You could get a chair.

Friday evening was dedicated to celebrating Jen's birthday.  Jen, Shana & Laina all went to play Bingo with Laina's mother at the senior center.  While there, they met Peppermint Pattie, who quickly informed my friends that she was "the dirtiest grandma in Shoreline, so when you start to giggle I know what you're talking about." She also asked to be introduced to my friends.  She whole heartedly approved of Laina and Shana, but she told Jen that her name was boring, "Unless of course it's short for Geneva."  Guess who just got a new nick name?  It was this point in the telling that we got off course, there was some inappropriate discussion, that while I did giggle about, I don't feel comfortable sharing.  Peppermint Pattie was soooo right about them. 

After dinner we headed over to the Rockbox, a bar that enabled the four of us to have our own room so that we could karaoke at the top of our lungs in silly voices.  Even Laina sang a beautiful rendition of "The Bad Touch" dedicated to Nala. 

When "Leaving on a Jet Plane" by John Denver loaded onto the screen:

Jen: Oh John Denver, he really did leave us on a jet plane. (all of us giggling) Get it? Cuz he died in a plane crash.

Jen: There's totally a live bug on the bottom of my glass.

Laina: Drink it!!

We also sang some Journey, which naturally caused some air fists.  What wasn't quite "natural" was Shana's air fists getting out of control, punching into her own face, with an exclamation of "Oh! My Glasses!"

Other than that.... I've worked out for 15 straight days in a row.   I also just straight up worked a lot. AND I took did a lot of take-home play tests.  I even came into work on Saturday.  No, I won't shut up.  :)

Managed to take my bridesmaid dress to the tailor, got some West Wing in and went to the Puyallup Fair with Zach.  We had a lovely time, but there was a bit of a giggle fest that I realize makes me both a bad person and a snob.  But I wanted to check out the RV's and in the 5 minutes I was checking them out I heard the following:

Wow! Check out this fancy, fancy sink!

This is bigger than my mom's trailer!

This is bigger than where I grew up!

If you buy this we don't have to buy a house.

(While looking at a flat screen TV) If you take that thing down you could totally fit a tv in here!

And now that I feel bad about myself and incredibly thankful for the life I've had... I am going to bid you adieu. 

This is How You Run

Last weekend, at Bumbershoot (an annual music festival in Seattle), Lucas acquired a fake tattoo.  On Tuesday morning, he ended up being late to school because of how difficult it was to remove the tattoo.  When I asked him about the event, he said, “This was NOT a good life decision, Tiffany.”  

At least 7 hours of last week was dedicated to watching the West Wing and… wait for it… exercise.  I know.  I can hardly believe it myself.  Maybe there was even more time dedicated to West Wing – but I deserved it.  I have also been trying to play Halo at least an hour every day for the last month or more.  I don’t *think* I shared this story yet….

I was playing multi-player (my co-workers and I were trying to shoot each other) when I saw that someone had a jetpack. 

Me: Um… why does Nick have a Jetpack?  That seems like cheating.

Jeremy: Actually, we’re all cheating.  We just didn’t tell you.

Me: Excuse me?

Jeremy: Also, this is how you run. 

Me: You let me play for weeks with better weapons AND you didn’t tell me how to RUN!?

Like me and my pink armor needed a handicap.

As I have mentioned, it’s very common for my co-workers to come up behind me, break my neck, stab me, and then dance on my poor, dead, pink carcass.  The other day, we were playing and a co-worker instant messaged me with, “Watch out.” I started to look around, and suddenly, I was ambushed from behind.  Cute. As we get the game ready for launch, we have to put new builds every day.  Some folks were having trouble loading the latest build.  This was on a group email thread:

Me: Not to gloat, but mine seems to be working just fine. 

B: At last, you’ve won a round of Halo.

K: You’re a monster, B. MOOOOONSTEERRRRRRR

Me: I haven’t been this proud since I got two assists when I walked away from my desk for 5 minutes.  #betterwithoutcontroller

I tried to get people together to play Kickball, or Dodgeball or SPUD or Ring-around-the-rosie last week, but when I didn’t get more than one person to respond I sent this email:

Canceling because no one wants to play with me.  L

Or they have work to do. 

Probably the first on though.

I had breakfast with Becky on Friday, which is when I learned about “Pop Tart Cat” or as Lucas informed me, the “Nyan Cat”.

We decided that we were going to go back to Pallets and Pairings for a charity event in which we would paint a picture of our pet.  Becky was sure in her path to paint a version of her cat as the Pop Tart Cat – she just needed help choosing which photo to work from.  When she asked if she should use the majestic photo, or the playful photo, or the thoughtful photo etc of each cat, her husband Jared replied, “You don’t seriously think I care, do you?” (I might be paraphrasing here – I wasn’t present for the actual conversation.)

Diana stopped by on Saturday for some fun in the sun.  The weather surprised us with a beautiful day for boating and pool time.  On Saturday evening, Dawne, Jordan, Beck and I arrived at Pallet’s and Pairings ready to consume adult beverages and create master pieces. 

Becky:  I’m not sure if I should paint the whiskers first or last. 

Jordan: Actually, real artists first paint the skeleton, then over that the muscles, followed by exodermises, THEN the fur, then the whiskers.  

Stranger: What kind of dog is that?

Jordan: An Australian shepherd

Stranger: Really?  I didn’t think they were that big!

Jordan: Oh! They aren’t that big.  I didn’t actually paint the mountains to scale – that’s probably where the confusion is. 

However, here IS a life size comparison.  (Yes, I know she’s filthy – Dawne gave her a bath last night. )

On Sunday, I spent the early morning catching up on phone calls and what not (Read: FaceTime’d with Janette for an hour and half.  I watched her make juice out of vegetables, she watched me sweat on the elliptical.)  Then, Zach and I went down to IKEA and had lunch all within an hour and half – > 15 minutes of which was actually in IKEA.  I’m not sure, but that might be a world record.  Dawne and Jordan took Casper and Nala to a Dog Carnival where they didn’t get their fortunes told, but they DID get glue on earrings.  I finished up the day putting furniture together and organizing my room.  I know, totally glamorous.  Lucas spent some of that time entertaining me with a history paper he was writing.  It started off with a guy on a plantation with cows and ended with his hand being cut off.  I wonder if he read this: http://people.howstuffworks.com/duel2.htm

Either way, by the end of the story telling I had to ask, “What subject did you say this was for?”

Building Character

Last week was work-intense busy which makes these updates a little less interesting.  Also, the third season of White Collar was on Netflix, so Luke and I might have gotten sucked into that when I wasn't working late.  There was an opportunity to see The Princess Bride outside in the park, but I couldn't make it and Lucas said that he had, "Seen that movie more times than Charlie Sheen had said Winning."  So I guess, he was opting out. 

I tried to get a game of Kickball going at work, but had to cancel do to actual work.  However, before I canceled, Christy, a co-worker told me "I can't play kickball because I have a cracked rib. But I still want to come. I will wear knee socks and short shorts and just do some stretching on the sidelines."  That's my favorite kind of participation!

On Thursday night, I went to a party.  This party required me to verify that I knew someone, show that I worked somewhere cool (read geeky), then be sent an invitation to register, then bring confirmation ticket with photo ID.  When we got there, it was a warehouse, which had potential for fun, but ultimately ended up being one long line for booze - red solo cup in hand.  Shana left early with friends to a bar(My cousin Raymond came up to give Shana a hug, but because her friends didn't know him, they instantly got defensive like, "whoa - do you know this guy? Do we need to rough him up?"), and then I ushered my friends out to another bar where I was handed a drink that was four different colors - and was gineriffic. 

Wait, back up.  Before we went to the party, my co-workers went to Zeeks for dinner.  We got some extra dough to play with.  Kelly ultimately made hers into accessories:

Angel: What if they start falling off at the party?

Me: Just roll with it.

In reference to whether or not someone was worth talking to, my co-worker responded with, "I can't look at her face so I don't know."

At the bar, Kelly wanted two of our co-workers to show off their chest hair.  One gentleman announced he was proud of his Italian heritage. 

Co-worker: Me Great Great Grandmother was one of the most expensive prostitutes in history.  The Countess Nicchia de Castiglione.

Co-worker 2: My Great Great Grandfather was keeper of Robert the Bruce's heart.

Co-worker: Yes, but my grandmother was Courtesan to Napoleon III.

Co-worker 2: She carried a heart! She was the keeper of the heart!

Co-worker: Nicchia was a media sensation!  She had an exhibit in the Met! 

Me: How did we get here from chest hair?

Co-worker:  I was proving how Italian I am - in fact, I have a Pope in my family.

Me: How does that make you more Italian?

Co-worker: Where is the Vatican?

Me: Vatican City.

Co-worker: Which is in....?

Me: Vatican City.  It's its own country, and you don't need to be Italian to be Pope. 

Co-Worker: This pope was.  :)

I hear I might even be able to see a book on this infamous grandma prostitute.  (I hear she use to show off her feet.  SCANDALOUS!)

Friday night I was totally lame and sleepy.  Which was fine, because there were work people at the house, so I helped entertain by eating steak and drinking wine.  Saturday, a "Road-tripping with Rach" day.  Dawne, Dr, Rach and I started the day with brunch at Original Pancake House, followed by going up to the outlet malls in Tulalip (I kindly ask that you never request that I say that word out loud. It's like asking a 3 year old to say Osh Kosh B'Gosh.) 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIGlaeMMXv0

Me: So my mom saw pictures of Jordan's family reunion and said, "Boy, that Lucas is one good looking kid."  And I said to her, "Mom! Did you just pick out the one kid that looks the most like you and say he's gorgeous?"

Dawne: That's true on both accounts. 

Dawne:  Lucas is going out for Crew.  I told him that if he starts out as the worst one he'll have room to grow. 

Me: I was always the worst one on all of my teams.  It was fun.  I was a really good cheerleader from the bench.

Dawne:  It builds character.

Me: I don't know about that.

Dawne: Are you kidding me?  You have more character than anyone I know. 

After lots of shopping, we ended up not making to Bellingham, as intended because we wanted to get back in time to go to the Rodeo at the Evergreen Fair in Monroe.  We were invited by Kelly, and technically, she was watching the same rodeo, but we never saw her.  That's what texting is for!  I had never seen a Rodeo, so I was pretty excited.  I tried to take a picture but they were so fast!

We left the rodeo after an hour.   There were these hamster balls outside that Dawne said she HAD to go in, which meant we also HAD to go in.

Then we ate some dinner and headed to check out the animals including the bunnies. 

Lion Bunny!

Dawne: I can't breathe, do you have any Benadryl?

Me: Yes.  Dawne!  You should have said something. 

Dawne: I'm really allergic to bunnies.

Dr. Rach: Then why are we in here?

Dawne: Because they're cute.  

Bit of a double chin, there buddy.

When we left, Stella was trying to hide behind a garbage can and doing a fine job of it:

On Sunday, I put workout clothes on (step one of actually working out.)  After drinking coffee and watching TV in my workout clothes, I then showered and met Shana and Michael for brunch in West Seattle.  We followed that up with more coffee and shopping.   After seeing super cute baby shoes, I emailed my cousin to say, "What type of baby are you having?"  I thought it was a reasonable question.  I  also found a movie candle that smells like red carpet and popcorn that I had to get for Jordan because he's the only one I know with a theater that demanded a candle such as this.  (There was also a candle that smelled like fresh cut grass, that I totes would have gotten for Maureen if she had any sense of smell.)

Sunday, basically, the last day of summer, I did more shopping at Bell Square, freaked out about a work disaster, then hung out in the pool with Shane, Cathy and Fynn.   Not a bad way to round out the long weekend. 

And finally, this happened this week, not last week - but since this was a light week, I thought I would share. 

My parents were watching the boys yesterday when Donavan (Doreen's 7 year old) ran to tell my mom that Kyle (Maureen's 7 year old) called him a Smart Ass.  When asked why he did this he explained, "Donavan told me that human beings only exist because of God, and I told him that some human beings came from Gorilla's, and when he disagreed - I called him a smart ass." If I had a dollar for every time I got called a smart ass while in a discussion about evolution, I would be RICH!