American Homeowner

Update 6/29 - 7/5

The week started with Lucas wearing a shirt that said, "Let's go Korea!" while drinking Korean Red Ginseng tea, coincidentally.  

Dawne on the new neighbor: So far she's done everything I would have done which means she's a good mom.

On Wednesday, I very patriotically signed countless pieces of paper to become a home owner.  When I got home we went down for a boat ride.  First, Dawne & Aunt Pat tried to salvage this pretty flower.

Following that, Percy the Powerful performed once of his favorite jobs, telling everyone to "GET OFF MY LAKE!"

Eventually we did get to go on the boat though, and it was lovely. 

And on Thursday, Jason and Diana brought over my KEYS! Yeah that's right.  I became a home owner and a land lord all on the same day! (I have to wait until the 9th to take possession.)  As if the day couldn't get any better, I got to hang out with the NY Wood Street crew! I had them meet me at Norm's because apparently that is where I take everyone.  Also, it was trivia night.

Liz:  Tell me honestly, did Maureen call you ahead of time?

Me: What do you mean?

Liz: Did she tell you we had to go to a trivia place?

Me: No! This is what I like to do on Thursday nights - we're just that in sync!

Trivia: What does SCUBA stand for?

Jenine: Julie! It's your favorite question to ask at parties!

 Jenine: The bathroom is the coolest spot in here.  I could have hung out on that toilet seat all day. There was even an outlet!

During one of the scoring parts of Trivia

Liz: Oh sh*t! We were close!

Me: Were we?

Liz: No.

Erin: Can we bring anything to the party on Saturday?

Me: I've just told people to bring their favorite thing.

Mo: I'm bringing my vibrator and heading right to the relaxation station.

Jenine: You should be more specific.

Trivia Question: What does FUBAR stand for?

Mo: F*cked Up Beyond All Recognition AKA Mo's 20's.

Before the night ended, I brought the ladies over to the Fremont Troll for an obligatory picture that I should have used flash for. 

On Friday, we got up and had some coffee before getting ready for the party.  In fact I made 14 batches of brookies and 15 pounds of Mac & Cheese and Ziti. 

Uncle Ray: I once tried to fix a Carburetor.  We tried everything.  Finally, we looked at the booklet it came with and on the front it said, “When all else fails read these instructions."

Dawne: I guess they know their audience.

We did eventually get to a good place in the party readiness so we jumped on the boat Casper and Percy got to go tubing.

When Jordan lost his hat: I have two other art directors, Tristin - I only have one hat!

Nala chose not to go with us, but I suspect she regretted her decision because she got "lost" or more likely, hid from us for 3 hours. Fun!  The following morning, Dawne & Jordan took their new paddle boards out so I took that opportunity to meet up with the NY ladies for breakfast.  Only, I totally forgot it was a holiday and everything was closed.  We ended up at Fado, and Irish bar that only had one couple in the whole place.  Naturally, we loaded into the booth right next to them. 

Mo: You should go to the bathroom.

And then, all of them went to the bathroom together.  That's power. 

Erin: Are people doing shots?

Liz: It is Americas birthday!

The NY ladies came on time which basically means two hours early - which was awesome because then I had more time with them.  I believe their exact words upon arrival were, "Are you freaking kidding me right now?!"  I guess that means that they were excited to be there.  Did I mention that I had invited them a couple of months earlier when I heard that they were in town.  About 3 weeks out, I checked in to see if they were still coming.  Apparently they had been bragging about going to a party on the lake to everyone, including our mutual friend Debina, but had failed to RSVP to me.  :)

Liz: We're such jerks.  First we take all the good seats by the pool and then we hog the relaxation station.

Me: You got here early and you traveled the farthest, I think you can be anywhere that you like.

They also brought tattoos, one of which I placed on my face. 

Dawne: You have something on your face.

Me: It's called American pride.

Erin: Maybe if you had any you'd recognize it.

As the ladies were leaving to go to up to Vancouver for the World Cup.

Me: Are you sure you don't need anything, are you okay to drive?

Mo: It's like the summer of Lyme's disease.

Me: Excuse me?

Mo: I couldn't drink that summer so I was DD the whole time.  Thank God my dad gave me a curfew so I had an excuse to come home early. 

Erin: I took everything that was nailed down, I hope that's okay.

Me (to Liz): Have a great wedding in case I never see you again!

Me: Can you do me a favor? I need you to help me take the dogs out.

Kelly: Sure, but my mom says I'm slurring my words, though.

Me: I'll give you a little one then.

Kelly: I made it!

Me: Yay! Wait, what?

Kelly: I was stranded at sea.

Me: Oh yeah, I saw the boat had problems.

Kelly: No, I don't think you understand.  I needed to pee before the boat stopped, and then we had to wait until someone helped us, and THEN it was the longest trip back ever.

It turns out that they just needed to press a button on the boat.  Dawne mentioned later that she too had been stranded (though not uncomfortably so like Kelly.) No one was around to help her at that point so she just fiddled with things until she pressed a mysterious button and all was well!

A Dad at the party: Just trust me.

Son: But I don't!

I got to hang out with Mike who seems to have a weird memory bank that forgets people as soon as they are removed from his life.  He told me to be grateful that he still remembers me, but he also never called me by name.  I also got to see his wife Sharon, who remains to be one of the most wonderful human beings around, and not just because she said she read my emails and that she never gets angry when I'm late, she's just happy when they do arrive.  I seriously need more Sharon in my life.  Talking to anyone for any length of time was very tricky, and I seem to have poured 10 beers and didn't finish one.  Oh man! I just remembered that I forgot to return the keg! Doh.

The fireworks that Jordan set off we're spectacular - I watched from the deck this year instead of the fire pit.  It had less s'mores, but the view was top notch.  The next morning we woke up early and cleaned up.  At 9, Dawne said, "okay, let's carry up the tables and chairs."  I said, "Nope! At least 8 people offered to help us clean today.  Let's wait until they show up and do it together."  See - I have my brilliant moments. 

And not so brilliant moments.  Apparently, Dawne and Jordan carried two coolers of beer and capri sun's down to the lake front.  I had no idea, so I made countless trips up and down the stairs getting people beverages.  Sigh.  The good news is, those same beverages were used on Sunday in the relaxation station.  Glorious.  Because I got a super cheap float, we have to fill it every time you try to use it.  It's still wonderfully divine.  Hannah, Kelly, Zach and I spent all afternoon in this thing.  That's my kind of perfect day.  

Zach: I wish my day wasn't so stressful

Kelly: Your shirt is inside out and backwards.

Zach: I just told you I don't need any more stress in my life!

Kelly: Look at all these Capri Sun's.  Somebody is drunk.

Here is a pic of the aftermath:

And then I showered and went to be early - what a fabulous weekend.  I'm sure I'm missing some of the finer parts, but in an effort to be caught up before I leave town this weekend, I'm putting a lid on.

Salt & Vinegar VS Sour Cream & Onion

6/22 - 6/28

  

We spent a lot of time at the park and in the pool this week.  And then sometimes, we just looked out at the lake in peace and tranquility.

My Amazon is now recommending "Defiance" for my top picks - thanks Kelly! (Who am I kidding, I would probably have gotten to that point eventually on my own.)  

Uncle Ray found the brochure from when he was accepted into Stanford. Check out those tuition prices!

On my co-worker choosing a car.

Me: You're a little fickle.

Co-Worker, outraged: Have you just met me? I'm a lot fickle!

Co-Worker 2: Hey! We're on a work email together!

Me: I know! So official.

Co-Worker 2: And neither of us have any action items.

Me: Managering

Co-Worker 3: Are you going to see Magic Mike 2? 

Me: Probably.  Although the first one had a little more story than I was expecting.

Co-Worker 3: I know! I told my wife if I was a woman I would have asked for my money back.

I went to the eye-doctor for the first time in 3 years.  She had moved locations but I found her.  When she asked about it, I told her honestly, "Yeah, the last time I was here I scratched my cornea and you didn't yell at me, so of course I came back."  She had her assistant do the initial tests on me, one of which required them to touch my eyes 12 times.  That didn't go over well with me and I may have remarked, "I don't even KNOW you - you expect me to trust you to poke my eyeball?"  So maybe they'll be okay if I don't come back for another 3 years.

My appraisal came in for my house this week (lower than my offer), and I went from content, to crying, to absolutely livid in about 12 hours.  Jason must love working with me!  The good news is, I got the price lowered AND they are moving out a week earlier.  Yeah, buddy!

I met up with Kelly for drinks on Wednesday.  I picked up the pups from daycare and dropped them off at Kelly's house before walking down the hill to Kirkland.  When I met up with her I explained that trying to get out of the house was a lot like that time we put them in the Blue House. (http://www.sweetandsarcastic.com/2014_06_01_archive.html) We had a long talk over apps.

Kelly: I'm glad we did this, we had so much to catch up on!

Me: I know! It's been almost 3 whole days!

On Thursday, Corrinne and I invited people out for a team event at Flat Stick Pup.  I think people had fun, even though mini golf was supposedly 3 Par at every whole, but there is now way.  I was cheating and I put down 6 par on each and still felt like a winner.

I woke up on Saturday having every intention of finding a relaxation station.  I went to 7 different stores and didn't find anything.

Me: Ugh.  We're going to have to "rough" it. 

Kelly: Yeah, lake side.

Me: Oh wait! We can use the old tube! That'll do.

Then a bunch of baby ducks came to hang out with us.  Here is some of the commentary around trying to feed the baby ducks.

Kelly: I wonder if they like Salt and Vinegar chips.

Me: Or maybe they like Sour Cream and Onion, let's test it.

The Kelly got one to eat out of her hand.

Me: No! I want the baby ducks to eat.

As they were leaving us...

Me: I hope you guys live forever!

Discussing the life span of dogs.

Kelly: I think Piper is a liver.

Percy was a non-stop barker.  He barked at the ducks, and the neighbors, and the big aussie on one side of us, and even a big lab that walked right up to him.  Impossible little boy.

Kelly: Do you think he'll get used to it down here?

Me: Do you think if he barks for 5 hours he'll get tired?

Kelly:  I can't wait to see your kids

Me: Yeah I'll probably let them bark too.

Kelly: I'll just put a bark collar on mine

Me: I'd throw him In the lake but I'm afraid he'll die.

Kelly: There ya go, he's in the Captain's Chair now.  Finally quiet.

5 Minutes Later

Kelly: Yes! He tired himself out!

Me: He just ran down the pier.

Kelly: Percy you tricked Me! Why don't we struggle with something that weighs 3 pounds?

Me: He weighs 5 If that makes you feel better.

Then the baby ducks came back again.

Me: Oh yeah I forgot to ask them if they like Doritos... Taco time!

Kelly: How do they tell each other a part? I bet you it's by voice.

Over all, I think they preferred the Salt and Vinegar chips - though I'm still not entirely sure they were good for them. 

On Sunday we went to the park with Kelly's parents followed by what I like to call breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Little boy looking at my dog: I could lift that dog with one hand!

You and everybody else kid.

Kelly told them about my cousin asking me to take a Kayak from Florida to Cuba.

Kelly's Dad: If I had a say, I'd really like you not to kayak to Cuba.

Kelly's dad told us that one of his boss's used to say that he should carry a bomb on the plane with him when he was flying because, "what are the chances of having two bombs on a plane!"

Me: We have Friday off!

Kelly: Short week!

Kelly's Dad: Throw Back Tuesday!

Me: When you say it like that, all I can think of is throwing back beers.

Kelly's Dad: Exactly!

Here is a TBT, from 7 years ago:

I hope you're enjoying life!

Son of Anders

6/14 - 6/21

Looking back in my "files" aka my phone, I spent a whole lot of time this particular week working and looking for house/loan like documents.  Not terribly fun if you think about it, but every once in a while I have to suck it up and pretend to be an adult.  Luckily, this never lasts long.  D&J and the fam all went to Sicily on Friday to celebrate Jordan's parent's, Mort and Judy's 60th wedding anniversary.  So expect a lot of "then I did this with the dogs" related stories. 

Before they left, Dr. Rach and Anders had a baby, Anderson! June 18th, 6 pounds of awesome, and when I got to the hospital, I'm pretty sure he already knew the quadratic formula.

On Friday, I met Becky at the Beer Festival at Marymoor.  While we were getting dinner at a food truck.

Lady: Are you Rebecca?

Becky: Sure.  I answer to a lot of things.  For an entire year in elementary school I answered to "Butt kiss."

Then we had to sign our receipts

Becky: My husband complains that I don't make an effort -  And not just in signatures. I don't effort well.

Oooh, and then she gave me an "Adult Coloring Book."  Talk about a girl who knows her audience. 

Jackie O graduated from middle school this weekend and because she's awesome, she choose a Brazilian BBQ for her celebratory dinner.  I wish I could have been there!

I met Kelly's parents at the dog park on Saturday.   It has been incredibly hot out here, like a total aberration of climate.  I love it only because I can go in the pool and lake every day.  I did miss getting to spend Father’s Day with Frita though.

On Father's day, I went over to Shana's for a BBQ.

Me: I just got stuff on my shirt.

Kelly: Luckily no one here gives a sh*t.

Montarno: The only bad thing about me I got from my dad.

Me: It's Father's Day!

Mo: I said that because it's Father's Day.

Shana's Mom was incredibly impressed with Kelly's Saturday which included, a Sounder's game, the Summer Solstice Parade (AKA the naked bike parade in Fremont) and a bar crawl.  Meanwhile, Jamie called Shan's mom Jackie during the Solsitice Parade to find out where they were and she replied, "I'm on the corner of walk and don't walk."  At least she had a good time! 

And finally, we had cake. "That cake has a bit of a gangsta lean."

And funsies

That Ain't No Honey Bun

 Update 6/8 - 6/14

Dawne & Lucas picked me up from work to go to my inspection.  I happen to work in the same town that my new place is in, which is why I thought it was funny when Lucas said, "Hey! Tiffany! This is your new hood!"  We met Jason and the inspector, and I got to spend more than 15 min in the space.  That's when I got REALLY excited.  We measured everything and later Dawne would make me these really cool floor plans so I could place house! 

We have been trying to meet up weekly to play games at Zach's only, it's been so nice out that it's difficult to stay inside.  Instead, we met at a park in my new hood, and Kelly and Zach's current hood.   I think maybe I said I would bring catch phrase to the park, but I also got confused and ended up forgetting that I said anything about Catch Phrase and we ended up having to enjoy each other's company.  All Cassidy wanted to do was get Gelato, and I thought that was an amazing dinner idea so we left the park after 20 min.  Unclear why it took my so long to park, but when I was driving around, I saw an old co-worker. 

Me: I saw John just now.

Tristin: You saw your mom?

And then an hour later when Tristin was trying to convince us we needed a real dinner.

Tristin: You know what Grandma always says?

Me: What?

Tristin: Dessert first.

Kelly: Actually, that was her mom and she just ran into him.

Kelly had walked away to FaceTime a friend.  We were pretty occupied and didn't notice she was gone, until I did notice, and then I walked over to her.  Zach followed me, sitting down saying, "So... who are you sexting!?"

Then we saw a Frisbee in the water.  Now this is a man who likes free things:

In other news, I watched Legally Blonde and Legally Blonde, Red, White and Blonde and then proceeded to try to debate the movies with my entirely male co-workers.  Bridging the gender gap: Am I doing it right?

I received a phone call from my nephew on Wednesday.

Kevin: Guess what!? I have the same skin is you!

Me: What?

Kevin: I don't have my Mom's skin, I have your skin!

Me: What do you mean?

Kevin: I got poison ivy all over my face! Isn't that great!

I grabbed brunch with Becky, which frankly I don't do often enough.  Then I worked a bunch which is boring.  I also dragged Dawne to Home Depot where I looked at every possible choice of flooring.  As Kelly says, "It's beginning."  I found some really cool tile / stone flooring that I'm in love with and Dawne learned I like the color of sage green.  I pointed out that Stella is totally sage green, though none of the paint colors quite matched Stella.  Several days later, Valerie came over to visit (shortly after climbing Rainier - a feat I really have no desire to ever do.)  I had to take a picture of her dress because it had the three colors I had envisioned in my living room - proving that they work quite nicely together.

On Wednesday, Paisley and Jeff came over, and Paisley made us a glorious dinner that we ate outside on the deck.  There were many laughs, which I will attempt to summarize and share with you now. 

Paisley's niece married a man she never kissed.  Apparently, this guy came out to Idaho for a concert with a group of friends, which is where the niece met him.  Then, they chatting and facetimed for a 6 months, got engaged, and then she flew to Seattle, and got married without ever kissing.  Apparently her niece is very into eating organically, and after marrying and moving in with her husband, she called Paisley and said, "He told me he liked Honey Buns, but he REALLY loves Honey Buns.  He buys them in bulk, and that's the only thing he has in his pantry."

Jeff: When my brother graduated from college my dad didn't have a lot of money, but he found a way to save and buy my brother a car.  My brother, religious man that he is, turned around and donated it to the church.  My dad was outraged.  I bring it up all the time.  I make fun of my dad because he hates it. 

Paisley: We went to see the Kurt Cobain documentary and it as really amazing.

Dawne: I would have liked that.

Lucas: It's probably got a sad ending.

Jeff: Thanks for getting the cake!

Jordan: It was the least we could do and we calculated!

Jeff: Whatdayagot there?

Jordan: Toaster Pastry. 

Jeff: That ain't no Honey Bun.

Jeff, on getting their house ready for the market: All that house needs is a good sellin'

Dawne: What happened?

Uncle Ray: Some moron dropped the pump on my foot.

Jordan: First thing you do is fire that guy.

Did I mention that Uncle Ray dropped the pump?

We were talking about VR company and how in order to really make a really amazing experience the product would come equipped with a beer tube and catheter.  To which Jordan said, "They haven't figured out the ins and outs of the thing, yet."

Paisley collects bath soaps from all over and she keeps them in a big jar.  One of her friends brought her back a soap from Tahiti that smelled so good that she hid it way on the bottom of the jar for later.  A couple of weeks later, she found her soap in her son's bathroom.   Despite always inviting her family to take what they wanted to use (she has all boys, and she insists that "They like flowery soap.  I didn't force them to use it.) She had to tell her son that she wanted her soap back.

Son: I took a long time to pick that one out!

Paisley: I know! I was my soap.

Son: I wanna smell like Tahiti!

Paisley was telling us a story about finding a ridiculous video on facebook that she then sent to her most staunch and staid friend. 

Jeff: Tell them how you found it.

Paisley: I was searching, "Pink Fluffy Unicorns."  I sent it to Bob and liven up his day.

Jeff: We tease him b/c it hurts.

Then we were talking about burying St. Joseph in order to sell your house, and Uncle Ray made fun of it. Paisley responded, "It's not a superstition and I'd appreciate if you would say that in my presence."

Paisley, about Nala: Do you put sun in in her hair?

Me: Haha

Paisley: Seriously, do you?

On Friday, I got a surprise visit by my brother-in-law's brother, James.  We met up in downtown Bellevue, and had some dinner and drinks.  Then I took him for a quick spin around Seattle.  I'm pretty sure I haven't seen him since our Godson was baptized, so it was super awesome to see him!

The next morning at breakfast

Dawne: I don't remember buying those pants for you.

Lucas: That's b/c they are Eliza's.

Jordan: Are you saying you're trying to get into your girlfriends pants?

Dawne: No, he's already in them.

I'm pretty sure this is a random quote from Erin: My worst nightmare isn't being at school, it's no having shoes on the train.  

On Saturday afternoon we went to Katsu Burger.  It was like having a try new things club without the TNTC dictator - and I missed Kelly.  But also, it was really yummy, even if it was twice the size of a normal type burger.

We finished up the week with a lot of pool and boat time which suits me just fine.